The Hidden Almanac for
Friday September 13th, 2013
Episode 1
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Next episode: 2013-09-16


Today is Friday the 13th, and marks the anniversary of both the patent on "Snow-wurst" and the founding of Wardinghurst Manor. It is also the Feast Day of St. Carmine, and a good day for gardening.

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac. 


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac. I'm Reverend Mord. Today is September 13th, 2013.

On this day 75 years ago[1], a patent was filed by Elliot Spinnaker for a meat bleaching process that produced white sausages. These were marketed for three years under the name "Snow-wurst"[2] and proved wildly popular until it came to light that the bleaching process left chemicals in the meat that could produce lesions of the throat and tongue. Snow-wurst was discontinued and Spinnaker dropped out of sight and was not heard from again.

Also on this day, over a hundred years ago[3], the first asylum for angels was opened at Wardinghearst Manor.[4] Its stated goal was to provide clean facilities and compassionate care for angels who had been driven mad by the demands of eternity. It remains in operation to this day. The director of the asylum says that angels are non-violent, model patients and the only real problem is pinnophagia[5]—the compulsive eating of feathers.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Carmine,[6] the patron of the bog cranberry harvest. Carmine is represented as an older women, in hip-waders,[7] carrying a lion's skull [8] and a net. She is believed to be based on an 8th century historical figure, although few details are known about her life.

In the garden this year, the tomato harvest has largely tapered off, but there are still beans, tomatillos,[9] and, of course, zucchini.[10] If you made the mistake of planting more than one zucchini plant, consider donating the excess to a food bank. If the local food bank has dogs and guns in place to keep away zucchini donations,[11] this might be a good time to bury them in the woods. Just be sure to dig the hole more than three feet deep to avoid having the zucchini rise from the grave and terrorize innocent bystanders.[12]

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

It is also brought to you by Bob's Used Car Lot, for the best in gently used and nearly new vehicles. You can rely on Bob's!

That's the Hidden Almanac for September 13th, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.


  1. September 13, 1938
  2. Wurst being the German word for 'sausage'
  3. Approximately 1913.
  4. As pronounced sounds more like 'Werdinghurst', which brings to mind 'wyrd' (fate) or 'weird'
  5. From the Latin penna, feather and phagia, the habit of eating.
  6. Carmine is a deep red color, originally produced from cochinal insects
  7. Waders were first manufactured in the 1850s.
  8. Why a lion skull? Is it a mountain lion / cougar or African lion? Is there any discernible difference?
  9. Tomatillos
  10. In case you don't get the joke, zucchini, and most other squash, are well known for producing in over-abundance.
  11. This probably doesn't happen
  12. This won't happen around here, but they may sprout.