The Hidden Almanac for
Friday September 27th, 2013
Episode 7
Previous episode: 2013-09-25
Next episode: 2013-09-30


Today we recount the voyage of Hrolgar Hrolfsson and his crew. We also remember twin naturalists David and Eileen Horrowitz. It is the Feast Day of St. Elbert of Stonnbridge, and in the garden, it is time to harvest the onions.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is September 27th, 2013.

In the Year of the Blind Owl, Hrolgar Hrolfsson set sail across the Wine-Dark Sea[1] in a ship built of dead men's nails.[2] Rain lashed the deck and tore at sails woven from burial shrouds.[3] It was circled by ravens [4] and crewed by men who could never go home again.[5] Unfortunately the ship sank within minutes because dead men's nails are not waterproof. Hrolgar and his crew waded back to shore and agreed never to speak of this again.

On this day, fifty years ago,[6] a flock of ninety-six pigeons killed an old woman near her home in the city. Over the next few days, the increasingly bold flock would kill nine more people, causing a city-wide panic, before being dispersed by a small child with a slingshot. The aggression of the pigeons was blamed on tainted birdseed.

Today is the birthday of twin naturalists David and Eileen Horrowitz, who traveled the world together cataloging exotic species. Among their discoveries were the Dwarf Whale, the Long-Nosed Fruit-Bat,[7] and the Eldritch Albatross. Eileen Horrowitz said in her biography, "I have been given a life beyond anything that I could have imagined, cataloging life that no one could have imagined." The Horrowitz Trust for Endangered Species continues their work to this day.

And today is the Feast Day of Saint Elbert of Stonnbridge, who performed eleven miracles in two hours and dropped dead of a heart attack brought on by over-exposure to divinity. His bones were laid to rest under the chapel of Stonnbridge. It remains a popular destination for pilgrims hoping to be cured of sciatica and work-related injuries.

In the garden this week, it’s time to begin checking your onions. When the stems flop over, it’s usually a sign that the onion has finished growing and is ready for harvest, although the exact date will vary. In some parts of the country, onions are colloquially known as "skunk eggs." Remember, an actual skunk egg is black with a single white stripe. Badger eggs look similar but are slightly larger and will have a mottled gray underside. If you find a nest of either skunk or badger eggs, it’s very important not to disturb it. Both skunk and badger mothers are very defensive of their nests and will not hesitate to attack if they feel threatened.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also sponsored by Merrel's Ford Dealership.[8] Don’t want to get caught between Bob and Steve? Why not consider a new car? Merrel’s has the best prices on the new models, and best of all, neither Bob nor Steve have touched our cars. Don’t you deserve that in an automobile?

That’s the Hidden Almanac for September 27th, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.


  1. Wine-dark is a standard description from Greek epics, usually used for the sea. It is theorized that ancient Greeks didn't yet recognize blue as a color. I'm assuming from the capitals provided in the script that this is a name and not a description
  2. In Norse mythology, Naglfar is a boat made from the dead's nails and ferries the warriors to the battlegrounds of the Ragnarok
  3. This sounds familiar, but I can't place it.
  4. Continuing with the Norse references, Odin is accompanied by two ravens, Muninn and Huginn (memory and thought)
  5. Not sure what this references specifically, if anything
  6. September 27, 1963
  7. There are a number of long-nosed bats that mostly eat nectar
  8. And a new player comes into the car dealer war...