The Hidden Almanac for
Monday October 14th, 2013
Episode 14
Previous episode: 2013-10-11
Next episode: 2013-10-16


Today marks the addition of were-pigeons to the Protected Species List. It is also the anniversary of the first of the Hateful Decrees. It is the Feast day of Saint Offren, and in the garden pumpkins have been harvested.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is October 14th, 2013.

It was on this day in 1966 that were-pigeons were placed on the Protected Species Roster. Scientists determined that they were, in fact, a separate species from were-doves, and thus deserving of their own individual protections. Were-pigeons have a high infant mortality rate and suffer predation from peregrine falcons and rat kings. Were-doves remain one of the most plentiful of lycanthropic avians and are not a protect species, although individual districts may have their own laws in place.

Today is the birthday of the Poetic Radish.

And it was on this day, in 1781, that the Librarian Prince passed the first of what would be known as the Hateful Decrees. This one forbid citizens from wearing the color orange, or risk immediate execution. The populace was largely puzzled and did not protest this decree, setting an unfortunate precedent for laws to come.

Today is the Feast Day of Saint Offren of Thessalka. She is represented as a dark-haired woman clutching a mug, surrounded by sleeping birds. Saint Offren was martyred in the 1400s by an over-zealous Inquisition. Her final words are reputed to be “I don’t care if you burn me alive, but let me get some coffee in me first.” Serious scholars claim that this is apocryphal, but Saint Offren remains the patroness of coffee shops to this day. An icon of Saint Offren over the cash register is said to bring prosperity and to keep the beans from burning.

In the garden, if you’ve harvested your pumpkins already, wipe them down with a dry cloth and check for mold. You can clean minor mold spots with a rag and a bit of vegetable oil, but once it’s penetrated the rind, your pumpkin is doomed. Store the pumpkin on straw or cloth, not on a hard floor. This can damage the rind and will also make the pumpkin unhappy and prone to melancholy. A pumpkin satisfied with its lot in life can last up to three months.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also sponsored by Emmett, Emmett, & Herne Legal Offices. Have you or a loved one been lost in a book? Have you suffered emotional or physical trauma as a result? You may be eligible for compensation. Contact the offices of Emmett, Emmett and Herne to find out your rights.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 14th, 2013. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.