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Episode for 2013-11-01

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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday November 1st, 2013
Episode 22
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2013-10-30
Next episode: 2013-11-04

SummaryEdit

Today marks the birthday of Countess Ludmilla Everstone. It is also the anniversary of the third Hateful Decree. It is the Feast Day of St. Roachius, and in the garden, there are no bears.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is November 1st, 2013.

Today is the birthday of Countess Ludmilla Everstone, probably born in 1831. She took the social scene by storm, was hailed as a “true original” and received innumerable offers of marriage from the social leaders of the city. It is rumored that she had set her sights on the Crown Prince.

At a masked ball, however, at the hour of unmasking, it was revealed that she was in fact sixteen crows wearing a trenchcoat. Questions were raised as to whether she was actually a Countess and Ludmilla retired to a rooftop to caw angrily at her detractors.

And it was on this day in 1781 that the third of the “Hateful Decrees” was passed by the Librarian Prince. This decree stated that the city sewer system was property of the crown and anyone using it would be fined. For homeowners, this resulted in a minor additional tax, but had the knock-on effect of declaring sewer workers and cistern cleaners to be enemy spies.

The courts were flooded for some weeks with the so called “Mud-Lark Trials” until the chief of the city police put around quietly that this part of the decree would no longer be enforced. Fraudulent reports were quickly made up for the Librarian Prince’s consumption, detailing numbers of completely fictitious spies apprehended.

Stamps authorizing one as a certified non-traitorous sewer worker were quickly issued. Later versions were even waterproof.

Today is the Feast Day of Saint Roachius, patron of scurrying vermin. The original Saint Roachius claimed that all living beings contained a spark of the divine and that a lowly cockroach had as much claim to grace as the Pope. This did not endear him to his superiors, and he was sentenced to “rot in a cell with his spiritual contemporaries.”

His worship was quietly reinstated some years later by city workers, who believe that sacrificing half a sandwich at a shrine of Saint Roachius keeps vermin away from your ankles and lunch box.

In the garden, it should be noted that black bears go into hibernation today. If you see a black bear wandering around tomorrow, it is an imposter and should be reported to the authorities at once.[1]

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also sponsored by Elwood’s Pickle Breeders, now offering cornichons bred from the ABC champion “Misty’s Kosher Pride.” These are adorable, healthy pickles with strong bumps and crisp conformation. Reserve your champion cornichon today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for November 1st, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

NotesEdit

  1. In the comment thread for the episode on the official web site, a listener notes that anyone who did see such an imposter might be guilty of the sin of witnessing false bears

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