| The Hidden Almanac for|
Wednesday November 6th, 2013
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Amelia Driade celebrates her birthday today, as does the world. Is is the Feast Day of St. Ebbe, and marks the introduction of Super Wafers. In the garden, mulch.
Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is November 6th, 2013.
Today is the birthday of Amelia Driade, whose memoir of survivorship Even The Mice Wear Masks won the Gloriana Prize for Literature in 1980. Although Ms. Driade died young, proceeds from her memoir went on to fund a series of women’s shelters throughout the city and is considered a classic today.
It was on this day, eleven thousand years ago, that the world was created, according to the Reverend Allen Penstemon. He based his claims on numerology derived from the “Book of Tubalcaine,” an incomplete manuscript long believed to have been dictated by fallen angels. Science disproved all of his claims several times over, but this did not stop him from amassing quite a following. It was even rumored at one point that he might seek the office of Prime Minister.
Then several prominent newspapermen pointed out that fallen angels probably were not keeping terribly good bibliographies and might have a pressing reason to lie about the creation of the world. A war raged across the editorial pages of the city’s papers for some months, and Penstemon emerged the loser.
He died alone and penniless in 1911. There is no word on what the fallen angels thought about this, but scholars assume they found it funny.
And it was on this day in 1964 that Super Wafers were introduced onto the market by the Terriblee Tastee Treat Company. They came in shocking colors like hot pink, lime green, and Cerenkov blue, and were approximately 90% sugar.
It was eventually revealed that the lime green wafers contained Yellow Dye Z-10, well known to cause hyperactivity, seizures, and pyrokinesis. Despite pulling the lime green wafers from the market, all Super Wafers suffered by association and the Terriblee Tastee Treat Company went bankrupt and was bought by a competitor the following year.
Today is the Feast Day of Saint Ebbe, patron of boar-hunters. She is portrayed as a gray-haired woman standing with her feet on a boar, holding its mouth closed with a spear. In later representations, both she and the boar look rather bemused by all of this, and in the altarpiece at the Amplefield Cathedral, both are laughing.
In the garden today, check on the mulch situation. Young trees should be mulched cautiously, as voles will tunnel through mulch to gnaw the bark during the winter. Protect them with wire cages if possible, particularly if deer are a problem in your area.
If deer are not a problem in your area, consider constructing a cage to protect your garden from the silent burning envy of other gardeners.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."
Also sponsored by the Ravencoast School of Divinity. Ever feel a calling for something higher? How about something darker, deeper, or potentially dangerous? Ask about our scholarships and loan forgiveness plan for missionaries!
That’s the Hidden Almanac for November 6th, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Out of Character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.
- ↑ November 6, 8987 BC
- ↑ Compare with Archbishop James Ussher, who famously calculated that the world was created on October 22, 4004 BC, at around 6pm
- ↑ ie. the color of Cerenkov radiation
- ↑ Compare the dye FD&C Yellow 5, which is known to cause allergic reactions in some people and rumored to have a variety of more dramatic side-efects including hyperactivity in children
- ↑ The psychic ability to set things on fire with one's mind