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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday December 2nd, 2013
Episode 35
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2013-11-29
Next episode: 2013-12-04

SummaryEdit

Today is the day a Squigginox was spotted. It is also the birthday of Dr. Jacob Hammersmith, and the publication date of Authaire’s first treatise. It is the Feast Day of Saint Spectrus, and in the garden, the moon has come out.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is December 2nd, 2013.

It was on this day in 1953 that a Squigginox was seen in the woods near the village of Jot. Cryptozoologists immediately descended on Jot, seeking evidence of this rare creature, although skeptics maintained that it was a deer in a rubber suit. The primary witness had a long history as a hoaxer, although many people reported seeing “something strange” in the woods. One homeowner claimed that a “peculiar squashy thingamajig” was lurking around his woodpile, although skeptics claim that it was the man’s son-in-law.

The Squigginox was never captured. Plaster casts of its tracks are on display in the Jot town hall today.

Today is the birthday of Dr. Jacob Hammersmith, who developed the vaccine for lycanthropy. Early versions of the vaccine were only partially effective and required a painful series of boosters in the event of a bite, but today the Hammersmith vaccine is safe and effective. Lycanthropic outbreaks have been largely eliminated, except among certain religious enclaves and young idiots who don’t understand how herd immunity works.

It was on this day in 1436 that the natural philosopher Authaire published his treatise “On the Movement of Spheres, Squares, and Sheep,” which revolutionized mathematics. It is considered one of the seminal texts of modern physics. Authaire, in a shocking twist, was acknowledged as a genius in his lifetime and representatives of the church suggested that he be given money and time to work on what they considered “very exciting ideas about the universe.”

Today is the Feast Day of Saint Spectrus, patron of the number eighteen. One would expect the patron of the number eighteen to have their feast day on the eighteenth, but that’s saints for you. Saint Spectrus is no longer widely worshiped, but his seal appears on selective service paperwork.

In the garden, this is the first day of the Moon of Cold. Moon-dogs and halos are common around the moon at this time, caused by tiny ice particles in the air. Halos are said to foretell extreme cold. Moon-dogs are said to foretell the birth of prophets and jazz musicians.

If your first view of the new moon is surrounded by clouds, superstition holds that someone in your family will become ill. While we have been unable to conduct a double-blind study for this in the Hidden Almanac Test Garden, we suggest not looking up until the weather clears up, just in case.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also brought to you by the residents of 101 West Birch Drive, in the Glass Quarter, who would like to reach out to prior residents of their home and ask “Did you hear that noise, too?” and perhaps find out what is up with the drains.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for December 2nd, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

NotesEdit

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