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Episode for 2013-12-30

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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday December 30th, 2013
Episode 47
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2013-12-27
Next episode: 2014-01-01

SummaryEdit

Today is the day the Ceramic Murderess was hanged. It also marks yet another discovery by Sir Hamforth, and is the birthday of Jacob Crumb. It is the Feast Day of the Wren, and in the garden, birds are in need.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is December 30th, 2013.

It was on this day[1] that the infamous Ceramic Murderess was hanged. Rachel Abhorsen was a potter who lost four husbands under mysterious circumstances. Each disappeared, often after Mrs. Abhorsen had taken out large life insurance polices on them. It was later determined that she was drugging the men, shoving them into her kiln, and firing them at cone ten. The remains would then be pulverized with broken pots and mixed into clay.

Pots from the Abhorsen Studio skyrocketed in value during the trial and remain collector’s items to this day.

And it was on this day in 1693 that Sir Augustus Hamforth and his crew were devoured by the World Serpent that lies beyond the sun’s shadow, thereby determining the outer limits of naval exploration.

Today is the birthday of “foraging” expert Jacob Crumb, who advocated foraging for city dwellers. He published many books on the topic, including “Chickweed Salad and You,” “Ten Edible Urban Weeds,” and “How to Cook a Sewer Rat.”

It is the Feast Day of The Wren. Leave small offerings of mealworms and suet balls outside to feed the wren and convince it to look kindly upon you in the coming year. Shooting a wren on this day is punishable by a year hard labor.[2]

In the garden, as the weather grows colder, many birds suffer the effects. In addition to fresh water, consider setting up roosting pockets. Like birdhouses, these provide a place for birds to spent the night that is significantly warmer than their surroundings.

Do not attempt this, however, if you have feral peacocks, as they are much too large for nest pockets.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also brought to you by Candy’s Stunt Pets! Is your pet badly behaved? Does your cat or dog’s behavior fill you with unspeakable shame? The next time you have guests, call Candy’s Stunt Pets! They’ll board your pet and bring you a beautifully well behaved replacement that will never hump your mother-in-law’s leg or spray your boss’s briefcase. Rented by the hour, day, or weekend. Candy’s Stunt Pets! No one ever needs to know how badly you’ve failed.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for December 30th, 2013. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

NotesEdit

  1. The script says 'in 1889'
  2. Compare the folk song "Cutty Wren", traditionally sung around this time of year, in which a group of peasants go out and shoot a wren

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