The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday January 1st, 2014
Episode 48
Previous episode: 2013-12-30
Next episode: 2014-01-03


Today is the beginning of a new year, and we will list some of the things that have begun on this day. Today also marks the end of the Writhing Prophet’s ministry. It is the Feast Day of St. Hermes Arithemetica, and in the garden it is time to give thanks.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is January 1st, 2014.

Far too many great enterprises have begun upon this day to list them all. A few highlights include the War of the Voles, the Blessed Voyage of Irwin, the reign of Lady Baltimore of Ordeaux, the Shaggy Mane Uprising, and the brief and spectacular Levitation of the Archons. Most of the enterprises begun upon this day have failed, owing to weather, boredom, or tragic misadventure, but that’s history for you.

It was on this day in the year 1000 that the Writhing Prophet and his followers (known as “Writhers” from their habit of falling down and gyrating horizontally during sermons) committed mass suicide upon the Cliff of Ascension. “Looked like lemmings,” said one spectator. “Well, if lemmings fell down and twitched a lot, I mean. Maybe not lemmings. Does anything sort of roll off cliffs?” He then spat and added “Good riddance. Shameful, the sorts of things they were preaching. Would turn your ear hairs white to hear it.”

While no one is quite sure where the Cliff of Ascension was located, modern scholars believe that it may have been one of several cliffs overlooking the town of Echo Harbor.

And today is the birthday of the Leaf-Rattler, a performance artist of the Modern Peculiar movement, who would rush into crowds while waving large jars full of dried leaves. “The leaves are speaking!” she would cry. “Ignore them at your peril!” She received several sizeable grants for her artwork, which she spent on larger and larger leaves. Her later years were spent trying to breed a giant-leafed banana tree that would survive the city’s coldest winters.

It is the Feast Day of St. Hermes Arithemetica, patron of long division and of beginnings. St. Hermes is an alchemical saint, postulated by the ancient natural philosophers, and likely not based on an actual person. In the writings of the alchemist known only as “The Mercurial,” St. Hermes is referred to as “the lever with which God sets the universe in motion.”[1]

In the garden, it is a good day to go out and think kindly of what the garden has provided for you in the past year. While you have been working hard, so have the plants. Take a moment to thank them for doing their best for you, before you begin mapping out all the new projects for the new year.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

We’d like to take this opportunity to wish our listeners the very best in the coming year.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 1st, 2014. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.


  1. Compare Hermes Trismegistus, also called Mercurius ter Maximus, a renowned forefather of alchemy who also was likely not based on an actual person

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.