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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday January 6th, 2014
Episode 50
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Previous episode: 2014-01-03
Next episode: 2014-01-08

SummaryEdit

Today is the birthday of Magnus of Ashes. It is also the day we remember the arrest of Lord Peter Duckwald, and the formation of The Council of Sixteen. It is the Feast Day of St. Alpaca, and in the garden, we return to the Rare Earth Seed Catalog.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to The Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 6th, 2014.

It is the birthday of the alchemist Mangus of Ashes, who finally isolated The Philosophers’ Stone.  According to her notes, it “was a load of rubbish”.  Her techniques were widely disseminated among her peers, and alchemical interest turned to other things, such as the Elixir of Life, and virgin’s milk.

And it was on this day, in 1745, that Lord Peter Duckwald was arrested for murder.  His collection of pressed flowers had led to pressing other objects, including lizards, small mammals, large mammals, and eventually, people.  Eleven pressed humans were discovered on his estate, clamped between the pages of extremely large books.  He was summarily executed, and his technique has never been duplicated.

And it was on this day that sixteen mice in a two-story brownstone met to plan a war against the squirrels of the garden. The Council of Sixteen talked into the small hours of the night, and drew up battle plans.

Today is the Feast Day of Saint Alpaca.  Represented as an actual alpaca haloed with the sun, the saint defended the flocks of the Shepherd Pope against wolves, wild dogs, and fall slaughterworms.  For this service, the beast was duly canonised.  Its image appears on the collars of shepherd dogs to this day.

In the garden, we turn again to the Rare Earth Seed Catalogue, for this description of the grateful spotted bean: “A climbing type, with abundant yellow pods, borne on strong twining stems.  The pods can reach up to nine inches in length, beautifully butter yellow spotted with violet, and remain tender when mature.  Perfect in stir-fries, or dried and used as a shell bean.  This bean variety was listed in 1881 as one of Major Torgblossom’s Essential Vegetables of the East, joining such august company as the mangel wurtzel beet and the house carrot.”[1]

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — "We Dig Tea."

Also brought to you by the Garlic Scouts of Troyzantium: if you see little girls out after dark next week carrying torches, do not be alarmed.  We are earning our Mob Rule merit badge, and request your kind indulgence.  Contact the Garlic Scout Leaders for more information on how you can be a part of this exciting program.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 6th, 2014. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

NotesEdit

  1. There really is such a beet variety as the "mangel wurzel", which has a rich history of connotation in English popular culture that this margin is too small to contain. It has to be said, though, that Reverend Mord's pronunciation is rather mangled.

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