The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday January 29th, 2014
Episode 60
Previous episode: 2014-01-27
Next episode: 2014-01-31


Today is the birthday of Gerald “Johnny” Stone. It is also the day that the ban on golem-making went into effect. It is the Feast Day of St. Flower-of-Dark, and in the garden, we answer questions about yetis.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 29th, 2014.

Today is the birthday of Gerald Stone, better known as Johnny Stone, one of the great musical icons of the 20th century. He rocketed to stardom in 1955 with his hit single “Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens”[1] and followed it with “Johnny Stone’s Rockin’ Holiday Blues,” “God of Rock ‘n Roll,” and “Echo Harbor Rag.” He died in 1981, under mysterious and embarrassing circumstances.

And it was on this day in 1882 that golem-making was outlawed by international treaty. The last of the golemsmiths were offered pensions and retired, sometimes by force. Rumors abound that various rogue nations still keep war-golems in storage, in violation of the treaty, but no reliable reports have surfaced for many years.

And it was on this day in the Year of Broken Plows that a shirtless man wandered into Echo Harbor. Despite the extreme cold, he showed no signs of hypothermia, but walked to the center of town and began screaming at a pile of bricks for several minutes. Then he left.

The pile of bricks was later burned, just in case, at the order of several prominent citizens.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Flower-of-Dark, the first of the mole-people to be beatified. She is the patron of dark places, the mole-people, and excavations. She is represented as a pale mole-person wearing a halo and squinting at the light.

In the garden, a listener has sent in a question regarding garden yetis and chickens. It is generally safe to rent a garden yeti if you keep chickens, as garden yetis are vegetarians and very careful about where they put their feet. At worst, the yetis may attempt to snuggle the chickens and name them George. Fortunately, they are easily distracted and will usually put the chicken down before it becomes annoyed.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Eddy’s Used Omens! Ever wonder what the future holds? Why pay full price? We’re mostly doomed to follow the same well-worn tragic paths anyway! Visit us at the crossroads. Bring silver and/or credit cards.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 29th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. “Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens” was a hit for Louis Jordan And His Tympany Five in 1947. The phrase itself is older, and has been traced back as far as 1908, in an anecdote about a thief caught in a chicken coop.

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