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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday February 7th, 2014
Episode 64
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-02-05
Next episode: 2014-02-10

SummaryEdit

Today Eland the Younger described a pig. It is also the birthday of the Masked Editor, and a celebratory day in Echo Harbor. It is the Feast Day of St. Squilla, and in the garden, there is no cannibalism.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is February 7th, 2014.

It was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the woolly pig. This four-foot-long, shaggy swine is believed to be one of the last survivors of the Ice Age. Woolly pigs live primarily above the arctic circle, though there is a remnant population partway up Mother Mountain. Attempts to breed the Woolly Pig with domestic swine have resulted in some unusual novelty crossbreeds, but nothing with economic potential.

In Echo Harbor, today is the beginning of the Long Feast. It is recommended that slow pedestrians avoid Echo Harbor for the next few days.[1]

And it is the birthday of Melinda Berman, the Masked Editor, who rode under cover of night through the city, correcting spelling and punctuation on signs and posters. She was eventually unmasked by an angry goat salesman and dragged into court, where she was found guilty of petty vandalism and fined one dollar. When various shopkeepers protested that the damage to their signs ran into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, the judge stated that, while people who cannot use apostrophes correctly are entitled to equal protection under the law, they would nevertheless shut the hell up in his court until they learned the difference between a plural and a possessive or they would be charged with contempt of court.

Ms. Berman became a minor folk hero to many and was the subject of several folk songs.

It is the Feast Day of St. Squilla, patron of the unpleasant gunk that accumulates in drains and gutters. St. Squilla is worshipped by mudlarks and drain-cleaners, and small offerings of valuable objects found in drains are offered at her shrines. It is difficult to tell how she is represented, as her statues are usually covered in gunk.

In the garden, the interns are reporting that they have found their missing comrade and made emergency camp by the back gate. The snow is too deep to stage a rescue mission, but homing weasels inform us that the team is in good spirits and will not be forced to resort to cannibalism until next Monday at the earliest.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Dr. Malkin’s Organic Zucchini Repellant. In the middle of winter, you may think that the zucchini menace is months away. But did you know that breeding zucchini can beginning scouting their potential territory as early as February? Be safe. Be prepared. Doctor Malkin’s.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for February 7th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. It may be just a coincidence, but given that the episode begins with a pig and ends with the prospect of cannibalism, one wonders if the Long Feast features long pig.

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