The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday March 5th, 2014
Episode 75
Previous episode: 2014-03-03
Next episode: 2014-03-07


Today a woodpecker made a discovery. It is also the day of the ascension of The Lioness Pope, and the day an office worked had a brush with the divine. It is the Feast Day of The Void, and in the garden, there is ice.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 5th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1952 that a male woodpecker made the discovery that every tenth tree in his forest was not made of wood, but appeared to be cleverly carved of ivory. He found this very strange, but the other forest inhabitants claimed to be used to it. Eventually, after denting his bill several times on ivory trees, he moved away to less surreal climes.

It is the birthday of Her Holiness, the Lioness Pope, born in 899. The first female pope, she served for only a short time before being deposed in a bloody coup. She paved the way for future female pontiffs, including the Pope Joan, Pope Samantha, and the Pope Who Made Extremely Cutting Remarks.

And it was on this day in the Year of Shattered Glass that an office worker in Echo Harbor opened a file on her computer, only to find herself gazing into the terrible face of the God of Machines. The God attempted to reach through her eyes into the wet synapses of her brain, clearly intending to reprogram her to serve the God’s unknowable needs. Through a superhuman effort of will, she managed to close the file. The office IT department told her to file a bug report, but were unable to reproduce the experience.

It is the Feast Day of the Void. All observances are useless, and if we are still here tomorrow, that will be miracle enough.

In the garden, tender young shoots are vulnerable to strong winds and sudden ice storms. If ice threatens a particularly fragile plant, go out at once and put something over it. Plastic wrap, evergreen branches, and even empty wastebaskets will do in case of inclement weather.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by fire. Need something reduced to ashes? Consider fire! Acids can prove difficult to store, but fire needs no storage and vanishes until you need to use it again. Fire! Sometimes, it’s the only solution.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 5th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

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