The Hidden Almanac for
Friday March 7th, 2014
Episode 76
Previous episode: 2014-03-05
Next episode: 2014-03-10


Today is the birthday of the Prime Minister of Qualm. It is also a special day in Parliament, and the day a trillium bloomed. It is the Feast Day of St. Elp, and in the garden, it is time for onions.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 7th, 2014.[1]

It is the birthday of the Prime Minister of Qualm, who is also that small island nation’s mayor, chief diplomat, and taco seller. His tacos have been described as an affront to foreign policy, but his churros have averted at least two wars.

And it is the anniversary of the debut, in 1815, of a two-headed pig in a jar, which rose through the ranks of Parliament to become a member of the Cabinet. The two-headed pig was considered very progressive on social issues, although the left head was whispered to be a radical. There was some talk of a run for Prime Minister, but rumors of scandal—that perhaps the two-headed pig was actually two separate pigs—dogged the campaign and the pig retired to a large estate in the country.

And it was on this day, fifty years ago, that a small trillium bloomed in the woods. The pattern of the petals exactly formed the shape of the one of the hidden names of God. Several passing chickadees were enlightened, and then a slight breeze disturbed the trillium and the moment passed forever.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Elp, known as the Peacock’s Shadow. This obscure and lyrical name is believed to derive from Elp’s service to a particularly flamboyant warlord. Legend tells that several of the faithful came before the warlord, and Elp intervened to spare their lives. She is represented as a woman sporting the tail of a male peacock under her robes, a fact which maddens sticklers for biological accuracy to this day.

In the garden, onion sets should be planted out as soon as the soil can be worked. In some cases, this is April, in others January. If the world is not currently encased in ice, it would probably be a good time to plant them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s Revenant Cars. They’re not used. They have risen from the grave and are ready to live again. Arrange a test drive now, and see the difference. Once you drive a revenant car, you’ll never buy new again. Among other things.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 7th, 2014.[2] Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. Mis-spoken as February
  2. Again mis-spoken as February

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