The Hidden Almanac for
Friday March 14th, 2014
Episode 79
Previous episode: 2014-03-12
Next episode: 2014-03-17


Today the Queen received an Ice Orchid. It is the day the Burlap Drum was invented, and the day The Unspeakable Beer debuted. It is the Feast Day of St. Worble, and in the garden, it is not time for tomatoes.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 14th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1479 that an Ice Orchid was presented to the queen by one of her court magicians, claiming that he had grown it from the snows of the highest mountaintops. This made him extremely popular for several days, until someone figured out that it was a glass rose and all he was doing was keeping it chilled. While the glasswork was quite extraordinary, the magician was exiled in disgrace, and the queen’s interest turned to other novelties.

And it is the anniversary of the invention of the Burlap Drum, a peculiar musical instrument made from inflated feed sacks. It was hailed as a folk instrument and several scholarly articles were written about its cultural heritage, but eventually the fact that it simply didn’t sound very good caused it to fade into obscurity. The Society for the Preservation of Burlap Drumming eventually expanded into the Society for the Preservation of Unusual Instruments and focused their attention on such musical anomalies as the Rotating Clarinet and the Musical Sausage.

And it was on this day in the Year of Striking that the Starheart Brewing Company of Echo Harbor introduced its Unspeakable Beer. This brew had a one-in-nineteen fatality rate, but was described by several prominent citizens as “robust” and “not too hoppy.” Later incarnations decreased the lethality, but at the expense of flavor, and New Unspeakable Beer was never as popular as its predecessor.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Worble, patron of dishes made out of blubber. Much worshipped by many northern tribes, St. Worble is best known for having climbed inside a dead walrus in order to survive the extreme cold. He survived, and upon the arrival of spring, raised his sleeping bag from the dead, whereupon it became his loyal companion. St. Worble is always represented with his walrus at his feet.

In the garden, beware sudden freezes and resist the urge to plant out tomatoes. It will only lead to tears.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Hearthstone Extradimensional Scaffolding. When three dimensions just aren’t enough for safety, consider Hearthstone!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 14th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

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