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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday March 17th, 2014
Episode 80
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-03-14
Next episode: 2014-03-19

SummaryEdit

Today is the birthday of Hummingbird Jones, jug player. It is also the first day the Maladroit Langurs attacked, and the day a poem was edited. It is teh Feast Day of St. Janoos, and in the garden, there are beets.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 17th, 2014.

It is the birthday of the famous jug-band player, Hummingbird Jones. The story goes that Jones went to the crossroads to sell his soul to the Devil, carrying his jug. The Devil reportedly said “Are you sure you don’t want to take up guitar?” and “How about the fiddle? The fiddle is good. I feel weird about this.” Jones was adamant in his love of playing the jug however, and the Devil granted him the contract. He became the most famous jug player in the history of the world, which is to say that hardly anyone ever heard of him. Eventually he went into real estate, and then died. Some people say that at night, near that crossroads, you can hear the mournful sound of jug playing, but other people tell them to give it a rest, already.

And it was on this day in 1848 that an old woman was attacked in broad daylight by a group of Maladroit Langurs. The langurs, a type of monkey, had been imported from the island of Qualm as circus animals. A troop escaped and established themselves in the city, spending the cold winters in attics and raiding garbage cans. The Maladroit Langurs became a serious menace and monkey-catchers were employed by the government to try and stop the scourge. Their numbers were much reduced, but small populations remain in older parts of the city to this day.

And it was on this day that the bark peeled off a particular tree in the forest, revealing a poem of heartbreaking beauty written by the writhing tunnels of woodworms. A woodpecker eventually came along and correct the punctuation.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Janoos, patron of hinges. Hagiographers protest that this saint is merely a corruption of the god Janus, patron of thresholds, and probably never existed in the first place. They point to the representations of Janoos as a man with two faces and at the actual manuscript in which a monk made the misspelling that led to the rise of this saint. This is largely ignored, as Janoos was popularized in a rather saccharine movie in the 50s. Nostalgia often proves more powerful than research.

In the garden, the beets are sown. Beets have seed capsules containing many individual seeds, so the beets will need to be thinned not long after sprouting. Failure to do so will result in beets that do not form roots, and, in rare cases, explosions.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Wilhelm’s Guard Turkeys! Concerned for your safety? Consider a guard turkey! Bigger than a chicken, more pleasant than a goose! Wilhelm’s operators are standing by to match you up to a turkey today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 17th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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