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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday March 26th, 2014
Episode 84
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-03-24
Next episode: 2014-03-28

SummaryEdit

Today we remember the breaking of the barricade. It also marks the day of ferns, and a milestone in the drought. It is the Feast Day of St. Procyon, and int the garden, frost.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 26th, 2014.

It was on this day that the Council of Sixteen, a group of mice in a two-story brownstone, engaged in a quiet war against the squirrels, finally broke the blockade that had kept them locked within the brownstone’s walls. A brave mouse diver named Cotton Whisker had entered the sewer system via the toilets, evaded hungry rats, and managed to come up behind the squirrels and distract them while the mice broke through the barricades. Cotton Whisker did not return for some weeks and was given up for lost, but eventually made his way home, having befriended an elderly rat who gave him safe passage through the sewers.

And it was on this day, eighty-seven years ago, the entire Western Quarter of the city was suddenly knee-deep in ferns. They sprouted from cracks in the sidewalk, rain gutters, shower drains, storm sewers and mailboxes. Botanists blamed a particularly damp spring and a highly aggressive form of the hart’s-tongue fern. Most of the ferns were rooted out of people’s homes, but several cobblestone streets in the Western Quarter were converted to parks and remain such to this day.

And it was on this day in 1995 that refugees began to flee the kingdom of the Lord of the Mountain, which continued to suffer under the Great Lupercalia Drought. Aid was slow in arriving, owing to various political factors. Crops had begun to fail. The Lord of the Mountain called for aid yet again, to no avail.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Procyon, patron of low level vandalism. Images of St. Procyon, a raccoon-headed man, are often spray-painted on walls to indicate that the owners of the property deserve whatever happens to them. Various protection rackets have sprung up, using stencils of St. Procyon to invite low level violence upon those who refuse to pay. These so-called “scab saints” are looked down upon by true followers of St. Procyon, who claim to be able to spot a genuine icon by certain subtleties in the rendering.

In the garden, there is frost. You went and planted things out anyway, and damned the weather forecast. Now you pay the price, scurrying about with row covers and burlap. That is the way of the gardener.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s Discount Stigmata. It’s a different Bob. No flesh-eating revenants here. None whatsoever. Nope. Visit Bob’s for your free sample stigmata today, which absolutely, positively, will not cause you to hunger eternally for used cars. Definitely not. Bob’s Discount Stigmata! It’s a different Bob.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 26th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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