The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday April 2nd, 2014
Episode 87
Previous episode: 2014-03-31
Next episode: 2014-04-04


Today the Spice Wars took a turn. It is also the day that the Bridge of Monks fell down, and that Poor Schmo’s Book of Proverbs was first published. It is the Feast Day of St. Flounder, and in the garden, there are mushrooms.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 2nd, 2014.

It was on this day in 1545 that the Spice Wars swung in favor of Prince Sergei III, who employed a group of river pirates to blockade the great Troyzantine River. Goods coming downstream and feeding the city were turned back, resulting in a effective state of siege. Shortages began almost at once, and the leaders of Troyzantium began petitioning naval powers to come to their aid.

And it was on this day in 1811 that the Bridge of Monks fell down for about five minutes. Everyone was very concerned by the bridge, which appeared to have fallen down very conclusively, but a few minutes later it shrugged, stretched, and shoved itself back into place. A small note of apology was later found hewn into the stones of the bridge’s foundation. It was the first noted collapse of the Bridge of Monks, but would not be the last.

And it is the 225th anniversary of the publication of Poor Schmo’s Book of Proverbs, a collection of vaguely clever sayings meant to appeal to the common man, but most likely published as a tool of propaganda for the Librarian Prince. It includes such gems as “He who lies down with dogs is arrested for unseemly behavior” and “Love thy neighbor, but report his suspicious activities to the authorities.” Poor Schmo’s Book of Proverbs enjoyed extraordinary sales, as purchase was mandatory, but continued to be a strong seller for many years. Its enduring appeal was eventually explained by the thin, soft pages, which were plentiful in a time when toilet paper was scarce.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Flounder, patron of mid-life changes. As the eye of the flounder migrates across its skull, so do we migrate through our lives. This saint is often portrayed lying on his side with both eyes on the left side of his head. It is unsettling and not often favored in paintings. He enjoyed a brief resurgence during the Modern Peculiar art movement, but some critics claimed that this was because those people just didn’t know how to paint.

In the garden, there are mushrooms. Our copyeditor should not have eaten them. We trust there will be no further incidents.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fuzzy and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Stewart, Stewart & Swell. Did you order a Burning Rhino soil cultivator? Found yourself on a government watchlist? Contact the legal team of Stewart, Stewart & Swell, the finest Troyzantium has to offer. We’ll get you off that watchlist and blowing up tree stumps in no time!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 2nd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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