The Hidden Almanac for
Friday April 11th, 2014
Episode 91
Previous episode: 2014-04-09
Next episode: 2014-04-14


It is anniversary of the death of the poet Ebon Lake. It is also the anniversary of the Smilegod killings, and the day a hominid skeleton was discovered. It is the Feast Day of Lace, and in the garden, there is planting.

Be Safe, And Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 11th, 2014.

It is the anniversary of the death of the poet Ebon Lake, who died in his unheated garret. He was buried in a pauper’s grave, even as the first lines of his great poem “The Hollows of the Moon” were being inscribed over the entrance to the Royal Observatory. Such is the way of things.

And it was on this day twenty years ago that a nearly intact hominid skeleton was found at the edge of the Glass Wastes. Dated to two and a half million years ago, this skull pre-dates even Mr. Fluffy, and is believed to represent an extinct subspecies of hominid, distinguished by unusually large molars and a vestigial third eye in the back of the head.

And it is the anniversary of the Smilegod killings, which ultimately claimed more than a dozen victims. The victims were found laid out ritualistically, wearing clown paint. The final victim, however, broke this pattern and appeared to have committed suicide, after writing, in his own blood, “SERIAL MURDER IS DISPLEASING TO SMILEGOD.” Theories abound, most of them disturbing.

It is the Feast Day of Lace. If you are not wearing lace today, you can be punched by strangers. Those are the rules.

In the garden, as we move beyond fear of frost, it’s time to plant out beans, cucumbers, and nasturtiums. Nasturtiums make a tasty pesto-substitute, have edible flowers, and will take over the entire garden, given half a chance. Do not over fertilize nasturtiums. This leads to very large leaves and almost no flowers. Plants are perverse like that.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Black Wombat Brewing Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible ciders. Black Wombat --- “We Dig Cider.”

Also brought to you by Suzy’s Seasonal Assassins! Spring break got you down? Kids been at home too long? Relatives visiting with their crazed and mannerless offspring? We can take care of the problem. Permanently.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 11th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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