The Hidden Almanac for
Friday April 18th, 2014
Episode 94
Previous episode: 2014-04-16
Next episode: 2014-04-21


Today Elaina Golden dealt with some mimes, Mr. Mackelwhite again caught something interesting, and a skeleton had a walk. It is the Feast-Day of the other half of St. Gareth of Stone, and in the garden, there are beans.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 18th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1921 that the great mime-hunter Elaina Golden cleared out an underground temple to the mime cult. “It was terrible,” said her faithful sidekick, “utterly terrible. There were berets everywhere. You couldn’t hear them coming, of course. They were scurrying down the walls like spiders. I don’t know how she stayed so calm.” This particular mime-temple is believed to have been one of the oldest in the world. Combat archaeologists still sift the ruins to this day.

And it was on this day in 1905 that Thaddeus Mackelwhite caught a small whale while fly-fishing in a tributary of the Echo River. It measured seven inches long from baleen to flukes, and appeared to be a very small humpback. “I didn’t do anything special,” Mr. Mackelwhite said. “Not even using a plankton fly. I think the poor devil just got confused.” He released the whale, which spouted at him in a friendly fashion before swimming away. Mr. Mackelwhite’s catch was confirmed by the Echo Fisheries Association, as the largest whale ever caught in the river. He received a small certificate and a beer.

And it was on this day that a skeleton emerged from beneath the Kingfisher Bridge, walked to a food truck, ordered seven gyros and then climbed back under the bridge.

Today is the Feast Day of the other half of Saint Gareth of Stone, martyred by the barbarian Ethel Khan. The upper half apparently lasted a few minutes longer than the lower half, and as Ethel had a taste for midnight martyrdoms, they fall on separate feast days. Hagiographers speculate that the full day separating the two maybe due to a transcription error. Inexplicably, the lower half remains the more popular saint, and the upper half is generally relegated to obscurity.

In the garden, beans are sprouting. Pole beans require things to climb and if you do not provide such things, they will scramble over the ground, forming a dense tangle that strangles other plants and, in the case of the Spotted Binding Bean, any small mammals that happen into the thicket. This also reduces the bean harvest, and should be avoided.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also sponsored by the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cucumbers. Remember, cucumber sprouts are small and adorable, but they rapidly become a very large vine that requires daily attention. Think before you plant, and spay or neuter your vegetables!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 18th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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