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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday April 30th, 2014
Episode 99
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-04-28
Next episode: 2014-05-02

SummaryEdit

It was on this day a cave painting was painted. It is the day that the Lost City of Enoch disappeared, along with Mary Swanson. It is the Feast Day of Eyebrow Mites, and in the garden, refrain from vegetables.

Be Safe and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 30th, 2014.

It was on this day 35,000 years ago, that an unknown painter drew the Bull of St. Ygnacio, a cave painting located five miles to the east and nearly a quarter mile straight down from the Monastery of Saint Ygnacio. The bull is life-size, nearly six feet long, rendered in charcoal and yellow clay. The painter left her handprint behind on the wall, perhaps as a signature.

And it was on this day in 1956 that the archaeologist Mary Swanson vanished, along with the Lost City of Enoch, which was not due to relocate until the next vernal equinox. Its unexpected disappearance may have been related to Swanson’s excavation of what she called “The Temple of the Moon.” No trace has ever been found, although citizens of Echo Harbor report that Swanson’s diaries appear in the city’s sewer system with tiresome regularity. “They play merry hell with the drains,” one city worker reported. “Wherever she is, she’s keeping good notes. We do wonder where she’s getting the paper.”

It is the Feast Day of Eyebrow Mites. These tiny, harmless parasites live in human eyebrow hair and, as far as we can tell, do nothing at all. The Pope of Small Things, noted for her occasionally odd acts of compassion, decreed a feast day for them, as they receive little recognition otherwise. There is no indication what they think of this feast day, or if, in fact, they are even aware of it.

In the garden, restrain the urge to plant every vegetable available at the garden shop. Yes, they have marvelous varieties of cucumbers, zucchini, and tomatoes. Will you eat all of them? Do you even like zucchini? Can you actually grow a tomato in that six inch square space that you are considering? These are important questions to ask yourself. It is better to grow a few vegetables well than a grocery-store worth badly. I say this with the understanding that you will forget it the moment you reach the garden shop, and indeed, who can blame you?

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tool Company, purveyors of fine and indispensible tools. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tools.”

Also brought to you by Something Rotten Underground, the only all-mole-person punk band! Playing above ground for five nights only, at the Silent Nightclub. Be there or eat termites.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 30th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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