The Hidden Almanac for
Friday May 2nd, 2014
Episode 100
Previous episode: 2014-04-30
Next episode: 2014-05-05


It was on this day that Jacob Crumb was arrested. It is the first day of the Sausage Uprising, and the birthday of the Duchess of Ellensburg. It is the Feast Day of St. Sedum, and in the garden, there is mulch.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is May 2nd, 2014.

It was on this day in 1997 that foraging expert Jacob Crumb was arrested for “foraging” in the garden of Miss Henrietta Keeler. Miss Keeler reported going into the garden to cut flowers and found Crumb on his hands and knees. He attempted to flee, but Miss Keeler got him from behind with a thrown flowerpot.

He claimed to be harvesting chickweed for salads and attempted to sue Keeler for his resulting head injuries. She was able to show that he had, in fact, been digging up several hundred dollars worth of bulbs and claimed that she had brained him in self-defense. The jury found in her favor and Crumb was forced to forage for bail money.

It was on this day in 1656 that the Sausage Uprising began. It would fail almost immediately, resulting in the deaths of many Troyzantium loyalists and an uncounted number of ruined pork products.

It is the birthday of the Duchess of Ellensburg, the most fashion forward woman of the mid 1800’s. Among her most extraordinary sartorial confections was a dress made entirely of horse hooves, a shark-shaped hat, and a waistcoat made entirely of highly trained squirrels who held hands in formation for an entire evening, with only occasional breaks to visit the restroom. The waistcoat was generally considered inferior, but the training of the squirrels was much lauded as a feat truly beyond the usual run of fashion.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Sedum, represented as a woman with the head of a succulent plant. St. Sedum is the patron of those who bloom where they are planted, and also those who propagate themselves via cuttings. This is often unsettling for the neighbors. Worship of St. Sedum has largely died out, as few worshippers were willing to lop off a toe to grow the ranks.

In the garden, consider a gentle mulch of the flowerbeds, now that the seedlings are up. Newspapers, straw, and other such are often favored. A mulch of finely shredded hardwood bark is also useful, and despite what various parties have told you, will not deplete the nitrogen in the soil to any significant degree. A little chemistry is a dangerous thing.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s Revenant Cars. Come closer. We have reasonably priced Civics.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for May 2nd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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