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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday May 14th, 2014
Episode 105
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-05-12
Next episode: 2014-05-16

SummaryEdit

It was on this day that the Womble sisters had a famous visitor. It is also the day of the sextuple rainbow, and the year an idol was pulled from the harbor. It is the Feast Day of the Madonna of Crocodiles, and in the garden, there are yellow jackets.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is May 14th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1902 that a séance conducted by the famous Womble sisters conjured the ghost of the former Prime Minister, who devoured several ladies (including the elder Womble) then seized possession of a wingback chair and demanded tea. Tea was produced. The prime minister reminisced briefly about the old days, and then a quick thinking chambermaid grabbed an axe, broke the wingback into several pieces, and shoved them into the fireplace. The younger Womble sister retired from mediumhood and the chambermaid eventually rose to be Chief of Police.

And it was on this day in 1959 that a rare sextuple rainbow spread over the highlands, witnessed by many. One or two foolish people thought it was the end of the world or possibly aliens, but most accepted it as a rather nice thing for the weather to have done.

And it was on this day in the Year of Chained Tigers that a mysterious idol was pulled up in a fisherman’s net in the town of Echo Harbor. The fisherman looked at its terrible carvings, its suggestion of fangs, at the tiny humanoid figure crudely rendered worshiping at its feet, and threw it back overboard. When asked as to why he didn’t bring it back to the town where his family lived, he said “What are you, stupid?”

As a reminder to our Echo Harbor listeners, current regulations require that idols under fourteen inches in length be released. Please fish responsibly.

It is the Feast Day of the Madonna of Crocodiles. Do not anger the Madonna of Crocodiles.

In the garden, yellow jackets are beginning to be a nuisance. Remind yourself that they are valuable pollinators and beneficial predators, that they eat many harmful insects, and that they hate everyone, not just you. Before you begin attacking a yellow jacket nest with ineffective sprays, ask yourself—“Is this really a good idea? Can’t I just not step on that particular patch of ground for the summer? Is this completely necessary?”

Then contemplate that yellow jackets feed liquefied caterpillars to their young. Consider how many young you might feed, if you were liquefied. Perhaps it would be better just to put a little marker flag near the nest and leave it alone.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Emma’s Time Consolidation Service. Not enough hours in the day? Wondering how it got to be May already? Feeling deadlines pressing in on you? Here at Emma’s, we can’t do your work for you or fix the inexorable march of linear time, but for 2.95 a minute, our trained staff will making soothing noises over the phone and reassure you that you’ll get it all done somehow.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for May 14th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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