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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday May 30th, 2014
Episode 112
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-05-28
Next episode: 2014-06-02

SummaryEdit

Today is the anniversary of the debut of “Squeaky the Truck.” It is also the anniversary of the Least Plague, and of the dumpster battle. It is the Feast Day of St. Burt, and in the garden, there are damselflies.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is May 30th, 2014.

It is the anniversary of the debut of the children’s show “Squeaky the Truck” which featured the adventures of a computer-animated truck in a town called Truckville. It had an all-star cast of voice actors and featured strong moral lessons. Adults described it, almost universally, as “Creepy as hell,” and “So deep in the uncanny valley you couldn’t find your way out with GPS.” It lasted ten seasons. Parents of small children during the show’s run can still often be reduced to twitching catatonia merely by reciting Squeaky’s catch phrase, “Keep on trucking, Squeaketeers!”

We apologize for having said that. In retrospect, there should have been a suitable moment of warning.

And it was on this day that a bitter battle was fought between rival gangs of raccoons over control of a particularly choice dumpster. Hostilities lasted nearly an hour and were followed by ritualized handwashing.

And it is the fiftieth anniversary of the Least Plague, in which nearly eighty thousand people were exposed to a terrible virus. They were all vaccinated as children, however, and so several thousand people suffered mild head colds and a few with compromised immune systems required a round of antibiotics. There were no casualties.

It the Feast Day of Saint Burt, patron of those who teach small children to read. This task, while rewarding in the long-term, is often frustrating in the short term, and St. Burt is frequently invoked to grant patience to the teacher. Be kind to the followers of St. Burt and do not play Squeaky the Truck episodes at them.

In the garden, damselflies are beginning to appear in the garden as the temperatures rise. Ebony Jewelwings are one of our common damselflies, notably by their bright turquoise bodies and jet black wings. Do not confuse them with Savage Jewelwings, which feed on carrion and are not adverse to making gardeners into carrion if agitated.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Toast Company, purveyors of fine and crunchy toasts. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Toast.”

Also brought to you by Heatstroke Petunias! Now introducing our new line of heat-resistant petunias, in colors “Screaming Red!” “Pepto-Pink!” and “Regrettable Bridesmaid Dress Purple.”

That’s the Hidden Almanac for May 30th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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