The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday June 4th, 2014
Episode 114
Previous episode: 2014-06-02
Next episode: 2014-06-06


Today is the day the last war-golem was decommissioned. It is the birthday of Six Notes Returning From The Western Stars, and the anniversary of another Hateful Decree. Today is the Feast Day of the Black Unicorn, and in the garden, there are grapes.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 4th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1882 that the last known war-golem was decommissioned. Golem-making had been outlawed some months earlier, but nations move slowly. The last war-golem was powdered and repurposed into commemorative planters, which grow peace lilies in the Royal Botanical Gardens.

And it is the birthday of the whale wisewoman “Six Notes Returning From The Western Stars.” Her exact age in unknown. Interviews are difficult to conduct, as the whale language takes a great deal of time to convey anything and has no past tense. Dolphin transcriptionists claim that she is several hundred years old and fond of squid.

And it was on this day in 1782 that the Librarian Prince issued yet another Hateful Decree, this one against hummingbirds. Hummingbirds have never been a major cash crop, so there was no lobbying in their favor. A number of little old ladies growing flowers were disappointed and an underground system of gardens rapidly sprang up to provide migrating hummingbirds with nectar. Local officials mostly turned a blind eye to this behavior, as it is difficult to look like a hero when you are dragging a little old lady in gardening gloves into the police station.

Today is the Feast Day of the Black Unicorn. It’s very goth. Icons of the Black Unicorn are common on the folders of small schoolgirls and the worship of this quasi-deity is considered globally secure.

In the garden, grapes are coming into their own. Growing grapes can be quite rewarding, but they require a strong arbor or trellis and will tear down lesser structures. Grapes are prone to any number of diseases and pests, which are far too numerous to go into here. You can spray them, but there is not a great deal of point to it. Chickens are a better solution, if feasible, as they enjoy climbing among the grapes and picking off insects.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Clayforth Publishing, presenting “Dark Like Stars” a new collection from Worms-Moving-Sideways, the mole-person poet laureate. Look for “Dark Like Stars” in a bookstore near you!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 4th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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