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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday June 30th, 2014
Episode 125
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-06-27
Next episode: 2014-07-02

SummaryEdit

Today is the birthday of Anna Weaving. It also marks the day the wine went bad, and the founding of the YMNDA in the city. It is the Feast Day of Mathilda the Sign Maker, and in the garden, the copyeditor is still missing.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 30th, 2014.

It is the birthday of the rug designer Anna Weaving. Born Anna Slovanovich, in 1755[1], in a poor part of the city, she began making place mats out of rat hair and selling them at local markets. Her genius was rapidly apparent, and she moved to more dramatic designs and more sanitary materials. Her enormous tapestry rug, “The Battle Fought In Argyle Socks” hangs in the Royal Museum to this day. Weaving was declared a national treasure in 1780 by the Librarian Prince, who wasn’t all bad.

And it was on this day, in the Year of Cracked Tiles, that every bottle of wine in Echo Harbor went inexplicably sour. Some popped their corks, others merely quietly turned in their bottles. Beer foxed in the barrel and champagne bottles exploded, resulting in minor injuries to several prominent citizens. Several Echo Harbor breweries went out of business and the town’s only vineyard suffered financial setbacks that took years to recover from. As Echo Harbor is not a good location for a grapes in any event, outsiders asked why the vineyard would even try to rebuild. Locals looked at them pityingly.

It is the one hundredth anniversary of the founding of the city’s Young Men’s Non-Denominational Association. The YMNDA was the subject of several popular songs and at least one very disturbing expose’.

It is the Feast Day of Mathilda the Sign Maker, who was not canonized, but is on the canonical calendar nonetheless, in perpetual payment from the Lobster Pope. Mathilda faked over three hundred omens and signs of divine favor, meant to lend legitimacy to the troubled early reign of the Lobster Pope. She was thus granted sainthood (and some say, hastened to martyrdom in order to cover up the deception.) The Shepherd Pope had Mathilda stripped over her sainthood, but for some reason, her feast day was never removed from the calendar, and she remains on the books to this day.

In the garden, the copyeditor is still missing. We have tried baiting traps with improperly used apostraphes, but with no success. Have you seen him? Five-ten, answers to “Keith.” No collar.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

The Hidden Almanac is seeking interns! The last batch never recovered from their attempts to found their own society over the winter. Must be skilled in radio, gardening, and hagiography. Send resumes to Reverend Mord, care of the Hidden Almanac. There is no pay, but you are allowed to take home any interesting weeds you find in the garden, provided you don’t do anything illegal with them.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 30th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. Script and podcast say 1855, but the Librarian Prince ruled in the latter part of the 18th century.

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