The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 2nd, 2014
Episode 126
Previous episode: 2014-06-30
Next episode: 2014-07-04


Today we remember the proclamation of the next Hateful Decree. Today we also remember The Spray Paint Pornographer. It is the Feast Day of St. Criollo, and in the garden, there are squash vine borers.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 2nd, 2014.

It was on this day in 1782 that the next of the Hateful Decrees was passed by the Librarian Prince. This one banned centaurs within the city limits. As centaurs had never shown any indication of wanting to enter the city, the decree remained unchallenged and unenforced until the mid-70s, when a growing movement for centaur rights challenged it in court. It was hastily struck down with apologies.

And it was on this day in 1942 that the Glass Quarter of the city was struck by a vandal who worked entirely in pink spray paint. He or she covered walls in violently pink murals depicting lewd and graphic acts. The city attempted to scrub them away or cover them up as quickly as possible, but for a period of several months, many people in the Glass Quarter had their horizons rather objectionably expanded. The Spray Paint Pornographer, as the vandal came to be known, vanished as suddenly as they had come in the fall of that year. No examples of their work survives, although there are a great many photos in private collections.

And it was on this day twenty-five years ago that an extremely depressed woman woke up in the morning and thought “I can get through this.” Things got better after that.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Criollo, patron of the tango. He supposedly held off an invading pagan army, using only his extraordinary dance skills, for three days and nights, during which he danced with each of the enemy at least twice. Monks took turns playing the music to keep the dance going. Criollo collapsed in exhaustion at dawn on the fourth day, but not before reinforcements had arrived. The Tangoing Saint has a statue in every dance studio and is considered a true hero of the art form. The Tangoing Monks of Saint Criollo, while a small sect, are generally welcome throughout the land.

In the garden, squash vine borers have claimed many of our squash. These grubs burrow into the stem of the squash, and the first sign of their presence is usually wilting leaves, followed by total death of the squash. The suggested treatment is to stab the stem repeatedly with a pin, killing the grub with only minimal damage to the squash. There is something unwholesome about standing in the garden stabbing squash with pins. It makes one question one’s life choices.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by summer. It’s here. It’s not going anywhere. Resign yourself.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 2nd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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