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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday July 7th, 2014
Episode 128
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Previous episode: 2014-07-04
Next episode: 2014-07-09

SummaryEdit

We remember the third appearance fo the Black Beast today. We also remember Alistair Whetsmith, and record the words of Farmer Colin McGrath. It is the Feast Day of St. Alder, and in the garden, there is a nest.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 7th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1899, the Black Beast reappeared, swinging from lightposts in the streets of the Western Quarter. Unfortunately for the Beast, one of the lights was not firmly screwed to its base and it fell over, taking the Beast with it. The Beast struck the ground, flapped about sadly a few times, before flumphing away--apparently unhurt, but deeply embarrassed.

It is the birthday of the inventor Alistair Whetsmith, born in 1955. He invented such curiosities as the insect cannon, mobile anvil rack, and digital gopher. Few of his inventions were put into every day production, but he lived well on the patent for a small, vital widget used in the production of curtain rods.

And it was on this day in 1913 that a plesiosaur was spotted for the third time. Farmer Colin McGrath, the apparent epicenter of the sightings, would say only that he was not running a home for lost dino-beasties, so he wasn’t, and the “gurt foolish thing” should stay in the ocean where it belonged and not go bothering innocent farmers. Colin McGrath was reported in a poor temper, as his wife had just left him on suspicion of carrying on with a plesiosaur, which, said McGrath, “I have noot, nor will I ever be part of such goings-on!” He then ground out his cigarette and stomped into his house.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Alder, patron of artists preparing for shows. St. Alder understands that there is not enough art, and there will never be enough art, and even though you are up until three in the morning, the art will not get done. St. Alder cannot make more art, but can make sympathetic noises. All will be well. Eventually.

In the garden, the copyeditor is still missing, but one of the interns reports finding a crude nest built of em-dashes in the woodpile. We will keep you posted on further developments.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Class-Action Lawsuit being launched against Bob’s Discount Stigmata. Did you get discount Stigmata? Did they claim it was a different Bob? If you or someone you love now thirsts eternally for used cars at a reasonable price, contact Stewart, Stewart & Swell, today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 7th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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