The Hidden Almanac for
Monday July 14th, 2014
Episode 131
Previous episode: 2014-07-11
Next episode: 2014-07-16


The Red Lane Shipping Company was founded today. It is also the day the ban on silent movies went into effect. It is the Feast Day of St. Emmanuel, and in the garden, there is wilting.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 14th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1501 that the Red Lane Shipping Company was founded by the privateer Todd “Fig” Mahoney. Fig said that he had been engaging in legal piracy for years, but he was getting too old for the sea. “Besides,” he wrote, “the greatest pirates are all behind desks.” The Red Lane Shipping Company has changed names multiple times, been responsible for an uncounted number of deaths and an extraordinary degree of human suffering. They also sponsor the annual Ship Shape Brownie Baking Contest. So there’s that.

And it was on this day in 1931 that silent movies were banned. “Talkies” had swept the market some years earlier, and holdovers were considered suspicious, and likely a tool of the secret mime cult. It is possible to release silent movies only with special licenses, which are obtainable from the Royal Film Board for a small fee. Art students are exempt from this rule, provided that they begin each movie with a spoken introduction to their work, thereby proving that they are not, in fact, mimes.

And it is the birthday of a hummingbird egg. The actual hummingbird was born some days later.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Emmanuel, patron of soapmakers. Represented as a blind man holding a bottle of haloed soap. There are two factions of followers, those of St. Emmanuel of Lye and of St. Emmanuel of Glycerin. Conflicts between the factions range from the rather sedate to the extremely fierce. In the Battle of Lees, three followers of Lye were cold-processed by their enemies and martyred as heroes of the movement. Today, both factions exist in relative peace and are more concerned with making bumper stickers for various liberal causes.

In the garden, everything is wilting in the heat. Soaker hoses on timers are one of the better choices for large gardens, although malfunctioning soaker hoses can turn rapidly into fountains. Potted plants are particularly susceptible to drying out, particularly finicky vegetables such as tomatoes. A full grown tomato plant can require several gallons of water a day. Under-watered tomatoes are prone to blossom end rot, which is no fun for anyone.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Gummy’s Cold Sore Cream. Soon your sore will be sore no more! Now available in stick form!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 14th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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