The Hidden Almanac for
Friday July 18th, 2014
Episode 133
Previous episode: 2014-07-16
Next episode: 2014-07-21


Today we recall the coronation of Pope Samantha. It is also the day Eland the Younger catalogued something tiny, and the birthday of Brigid Slashmoss. It is the Feast Day of St. Torgo, and in the garden, there are sunflowers.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 18th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1044 that Pope Samantha was crowned supreme pontiff. It lasted four days before she quit, saying--one quotes--“bugger this for a game of bishops.” As 1044 was a supremely troubled time, her tenure was one of the longest of the day, massively exceeding Pope Candlestick, which was Pope for only five minutes before it occurred to someone that the pontiff was made of decorative wrought iron.

And it was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger discovered a small nest of baby hummingbirds. A few moments later, the adult discovered him and set his mane on fire. Eland thus went on to describe the Ember Hummingbird, the smallest form of phoenix then known to science. (The Bumblebee Phoenix, discovered nearly a century later, is the smallest currently known.)

And it is the birthday of the bard Brigid Slashmoss, who is considered a lesser light in the bardic firmament. Her work tended to be rather pedestrian unless she was extremely angry. She once exploded fifteen fire hydrants while protesting a traffic stop, merely by declaiming, but such events were few and far between. Her greatest claim to fame is having trained the last great highland bard, Seamus Tells-the-Trees, as well as his rather less successful brother, Herman.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Torgo, patron of fencemakers. Torgo was a lowly acolyte at the convent of St. Elp, when it was set upon by starving wolves. In the space of an afternoon, she erected a miraculous twelve-foot fence around the convent, which held off the wolves until the Abbess could feed them with bread and milk and preach a sermon about forgiveness. The wolves converted and both Torgo and the Abbess were given a place in the ecclesiastical calendar.

In the garden, volunteer sunflowers have sprung up underneath the birdfeeder. There is nothing wrong with this. If you have a very formal garden, you may wish to remove them, but volunteer sunflowers are one of the small, unexpected joys of life, and should be embraced, at least metaphorically. Do not actually embrace the sunflower. It is hard on their stalks.

A standing stone has also appeared in the frog pond. We are all a little disturbed by this.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Dance Company, purveyors of terrible and uncomfortable dances. Red Wombat --- “We Dance Badly.”

Also brought to you by the Keepers of the Unknown Codex. Your name is here, but may be spelled incorrectly. Someone will be around to check. You will not know who they are.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 18th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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