The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 23rd, 2014
Episode 135
Previous episode: 2014-07-21
Next episode: 2014-07-25


Today is the running of the skeletal grunions. It is also the day the first benefit of the Plague Doctor Accords took effect, and the day of the tragedy at the Royal Botanical Gardens. It is the Feast Day of St. Oculus, and in the garden, there is still a standing stone.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 23rd, 2014.

It is on this day that the skeletal grunions run. These small, dead fish wiggle their way onto the beach in vast numbers at high tide, engaging in what would be egg-laying behavior if they were living fish. When they have finished--and who can really tell--the tide washes them back out to sea again, where they go about their business for another year, being dead. Skeletal grunions are a major food source for undead toothed whales.

And it was on this day in 1911 that twenty-seven people were killed in a freak rowboat accident in the Royal Botanical Garden. As several of the victims had been browsing in a bookstore nearly half a mile away, an immediate police investigation was launched. After nearly six months of research, the conclusion was reached that sometimes very bad things happen in very improbable ways, and also a goose had been involved.

And it was on this day, some four months after the signing of the Plague Doctor Accords, that the first pensions were granted to elderly Plague Doctors. Prior to the Accords, even Plague Doctors who had served their communities faithfully and well were often reduced to poverty when they could no longer serve. The Ravencoast School of Divinity offered the first retirement home for these valued--and good looking--members of society. This home is still active to this day and fields a championship shuffleboard team.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Oculus, patron of eyeglasses. When yours are missing, call upon St. Oculus to help locate them, preferably before you step on them. He is represented as an ox wearing glasses and carrying an extra pair in each hoofed hand.

In the garden, the interns have taken to gathering around the standing stone in the frog pond. This is extremely upsetting for the frogs and the weeding is not getting done. If they begin sacrificing one another to the stone, steps will have to be taken.

The best way to avoid standing stone infestation in the garden is to prevent them from coming in in the first place. Carefully inspect nursery plants to make sure that they do not have standing stones in them. We believe this one may have snuck in on a load of tainted mulch, and have had strong words with our supplier.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Ravencoast Miracle-Workers Division. Come to our open house and learn about the exciting opportunities for the miraculous in your field! Join a raffle to win a minor mir--oh, for the love of the Madonna of Leaves. Does no one screen these ads? Are all the interns out ogling the standing stone? Are we truly allowing Pastor Drom to buy ad space now?

…Apparently we are. Very well. Join a raffle to win a minor miracle. There will be free cookies. Of course there will.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 23rd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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