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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday July 25th, 2014
Episode 136
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-07-23
Next episode: 2014-07-28

SummaryEdit

Today marks the anniversary of the founding of the Daughters of The Corgi. It is also the day the Mime Accords ended. It is the Feast Day of St. Berrenger, and in the garden, there are signs.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 25th, 2014.

It was on this day, in 1743, that the ruling stuffed corgi embarked on an ambitious plan to expand one of the colonies by importing marriageable women. The so called “Daughters of the Corgi” were recruited from workhouses and charity schools throughout the city and transported to the colony on the large island of Greenbriar. Greenbriar had, at the time, a ratio of approximately ten men to every woman. The Daughters of the Corgi were provided with substantial dowries by the crown, and many professed themselves very glad for the chance to have improved their prospects so dramatically.

This particular moment in history has spawned several thousand romance novels and a great many movies, the quality of which ranges between brilliant and regrettable.

And it was on this day, one hundred twenty years ago, that an end came to the ill-advised “Mime Accords.” Attempts had been made by the crown to negotiate with the silent masterminds behind the Mime Uprising. Interpreters, diplomats, and a few loyalist mimes were sent in an effort to negotiate. On this day, the last of the diplomats returned, badly injured by invisible dog bites, and reported that the mimes were quite mad and wanted an end to all who spoke beneath the sun. Most of the interpreters were dead and the loyalist mimes had been executed as traitors. The ban on mimes within the city limits was made permanent and further negotiations were judged to be unprofitable.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Berrenger, patron of those who fear dental work. St. Berrenger is represented as a woman with large insect wings, carrying a tooth in one hand, and is believed to derive from ancient Tooth Fairy worship. If you bring a medal of St. Berrenger to the dentist appointment and rub it during the scary parts, they will not be any less scary, but at least you’ll have something to do with your hands.

In the garden, we have posted signs saying “Staring At The Standing Stone Makes It Nervous” in hopes of dissuading the interns from their worship. They are milling around and hopefully at least one will return to work soon. These historical documents will not photocopy themselves.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Silent Nightclub. The club is closed today. No reason.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 25th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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