The Hidden Almanac for
Monday July 28th, 2014
Episode 137
Previous episode: 2014-07-25
Next episode: 2014-07-30


Today we mark the beginning of Centaurpede molting season. It is also the day the Saber Yucca was introduced. It is the Feast-Day of St. Parmus, and in the garden, there are melons.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Pastor Drom! Reverend Mord is not feeling well today, so I’m filling it.

Actually, he got bit by a…thing. With legs. Lots of legs. SO MANY LEGS.

It was like a centaur, only the bottom half was a centipede and the upper half was also a centipede, but more than if it was just a normal centipede. Legs everywhere. And fangs. Anyway, they made him go to the doctor. A plague doctor. Not a plague doctor, a medical doctor. Who doesn’t specialize in plagues.

Anyway, let’s talk about history!

Today is July 28th, 2014.

Let’s see…horrible…horrible...kind of upsetting… this one’s okay.

And it was on this day in 1891 that the famed horticulturalist Caesar Andrew introduced the Saber Yucca, a form of yucca with foot-long spines. Saber Yuccas became popular as a form of home defense, but was also renowned for its magnificent white flower spikes. Many cultivars have been bred from the Saber Yucca, and some notable specimens include “Wall of Blades” and “Glory.”

It is the Feast Day of Saint Parmus, patron of pastamakers. St. Parmus was martyred inside a giant ravioli--

(door opens, footsteps)

PD: You’re back!

RM: Indeed.

PD: I was just filling in.

RM: Of course you are.

PD: They said you’d been bitten. By a thing. With legs. There was a picture in the breakroom. They said you’d be out for hours.

RM: You’d like that wouldn’t you…Have you read the history for the day?

PD: …most of it? I got to the Feast Day.

RM: Very well. Have you seen our copyeditor?

PD: That nice Keith boy? No.

RM: I see.

PD: By the way, did you know you’ve got a standing stone in your—

RM: I am aware.

PD: Right! I’ll be going then. Hope you feel better!

RM: I apologize for that interruption. The miracle workers are…well, you know.

In the garden, the melon vines have taken over everything. This would be less troublesome if they were actually producing edible melons, but it has been so wet that the melons are molding before they ripen. We have been cutting the vines back to keep them from pulling down the less sturdy shrubs.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Ninetailed Brewery, debuting their new cider, “Fox Magic.” Critics say it’s a delightful blend of fox musk and apple, and much better than that sounds.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 28th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit