The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 30th, 2014
Episode 138
Previous episode: 2014-07-28
Next episode: 2014-08-01


Today we recall the burning of the New House. Eland the Younger first described the Giant Fruitbat on this day, and we remember a dragonfly. It is the Feast Day of St. Alonzo, and in the garden, there are weeds.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 30th, 2014.

Thank you for those who have expressed concern. My centaurpede bite is healing well. The swelling has gone down considerably.

It was on this day six hundred years ago that the so-called “New House” burned to the ground. The New House was built in the 12th century and was older than any other building standing in the city. It was lovingly reconstructed by the Merchant’s Guild and has been renovated approximately once a century since. It features eleven ballrooms and is notable as the first building in the city receive indoor plumbing.

The 15th century fire is believed to have been set by very small rampaging barbarians who got into the rain gutters.

And it was on this day, one year ago, that a large blue dragonfly laid eggs in a temporary puddle of water. The puddle should have dried up, proving fatal to the eggs, but a drip from a faulty air conditioning condenser unit kept it damp for the critical time period. Five young dragonflies survived the brutal Darwinian battle in the puddle and emerged as adults. Sometimes things work out.

And it was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the Giant Fruitbat, which is actually only about two inches long but lives primarily on giantfruit. A transcription error by the publisher of Eland’s journals led to years of confusion, as later naturalists scoured the jungle looking for these giants and finding nothing. The Giant Fruitbat was listed as critically endangered, probably extinct, until a researcher went back to the original sources and pointed out that Eland was probably talking about an entirely different bat, which was plentiful and increasing, as giantfruit are rather weedy trees.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Alonzo, patron of tiger-tamers. It doesn’t come up much, but the few worshippers of St. Alonzo are very, very devout. Alonzo is represented as a man with a tiger’s head, surrounded by tigers, holding a whip in his left hand and missing his right hand at the wrist.

In the garden, horseweed and purple mulberry are beginning to take over the beds. These common weeds are found throughout the kingdom. Horseweed is native, while purple mulberry is an invasive. Both reseed dramatically, and both are easily pulled. By interns. At least, if those interns are not mooning about over a standing stone.

If they form a drum circle, we will have to get out the flamethrower.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Skeletal Appreciation Day. Have you ever stopped and thought about how much your bones do for you? How many times a day do you not collapse into a gelatinous flesh mound devoid of structure? Be grateful for your skeleton! Have you thanked it recently? We suggest you start.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 30th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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