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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday August 13th, 2014
Episode 144
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-08-11
Next episode: 2014-08-15

SummaryEdit

It was on this day in 1440 that Authaire produced his second great treatise. It is also the day Crowdown Fell was founded. It is the Feast Day of St. Green, and in the garden, there are workmen.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is August 13th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1440 that the natural philosopher Authaire, benefiting from a large grant by the Church, produced his second great treatise “On the Volumes of Liquids, Solids, and Selected Cheeses.” This set in place a system of standardized measurements that replaced the old pinch-peck-and-hogshead system, which were rapidly adopted by the merchant class within the city. Although the metric system officially replaced it many years ago, Authaire’s system of measurements has left a solid imprint and is found in the names of many towns, such as “Ten-Mile” “Half-foot” and “Fathomless.”

It was on this day in 1204 that the outpost of Crowdown Fell was established. At the time, this remote village marked the outermost point in the empire. It had very little strategic importance and is surrounded by trees on one side and moor covered hills on the other. Troops were stationed there more to prove a point than to do anything in particular. Today Crowdown Fell is a nature reserve, but a watchtower is maintained there, just in case.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Green, patron of translators. Green is represented as a brightly colored parrot wearing gray robes, holding a book in his wings. His robes are patched with purple. The story goes that St. Green was a parrot that came into the hands of Saint Umber and from Green’s repeated statements, Umber was able to learn a few words in the language of the peoples of the Mountain Kingdom. These words were all obscene, as Green’s previous owner had been a sailor, but St. Umber so impressed a visiting trader from the Mountain Kingdom by cursing him out with fluency and passion that the trader converted on the spot.

In the garden, we are attempting to pull the standing stone up by the roots. This requires rollers, pulleys, and a great deal of manpower, both to maneuver the stone and to fend off the interns, who are attempting to defend it. It is regrettable that we had to wait this long, but we wanted to make sure the tadpoles had turned to frogs and were able to get out of the way of what promises to be a long and muddy process.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Guy’s Ammo Belt Suspenders. Each suspender holds up to twenty rounds. Now available in Bazooka Blue and Rocket Launcher Red! Guy’s—“Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down!”

That’s the Hidden Almanac for August 13th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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