The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday September 3rd, 2014
Episode 153
Previous episode: 2014-09-01
Next episode: 2014-09-05


Today a peculiar weed grew in the Royal Botanical Gardens. It is also Keith’s Birthday. It is the Feast Day of St. Almondia, and in the garden, it is hot.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is September 3rd, 2014.

It was on this day in 1896 that a weed grew on the edge of a path in the Royal Botanical Gardens. It was a small weed and appeared over a long weekend, so no one noticed at first. After a few days, it had tripled in size, and the gardeners still had not attended to it, which was quite unusual in such a tightly run establishment.

It was when the weed flowered, producing a quarter-sized bloom, that it became quite obvious that something was not right. Anyone approaching the weed was filled with steadily increasing dread. Only the strongest souls could get within ten feet of it, and even they were seized with fits of nausea and shaking. The source of the terror seemed to be the flower itself, which no one could bear to look at directly.

At last, in an act of extraordinary horticultural bravery, the Third Undergardener, one Olivia Singh, had pulleys attached to trees on either side and allowed herself to be dragged on a rope into the circle of the weed’s influence. Though her terror, Miss Singh managed to slam an empty wooden box down over the plant, cutting off the baleful influence. Stone were piled atop the box and it was left in place through several hard freezes. At midwinter, wearing heavy rubberized gloves and smoked goggles, the gardeners removed the withered remains of the weed. Miss Singh was granted a promotion and the Mallow Medal for Gardening Above And Beyond The Call of Duty.

The weed was ostensibly destroyed, though some believe the seed pods were harvested and stored in the deepest depths of the Royal Armory.

And it is the birthday of Keith the copyeditor, assuming he is still alive. We have been hearing correctly punctuated noises from the attic.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Almondia, patron of the intersection of Eighty-fourth street and Link Avenue. St. Almondia was martyred there by a runaway carriage. Her family had a great deal of power and influence within the Church and the Pope was attempting to consolidate his position. The price of support by Almondia’s family was canonization for their daughter. The Pope was not terribly pleased by this, but agreed, with the caveat that she would only be patron of something exceedingly minor. She is portrayed as a young woman with a halo, a blue cloak, and an apologetic looking horse in harness in the background.

In the garden, it is hot. Really quite vilely hot. Particularly for those of us who, by reason of our profession, must wear full black robes and a mask.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Almondia’s Bodega! Come visit us on the corner of Eighty-Fourth and Link for a truly divine shopping experience!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for September 3rd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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