The Hidden Almanac for
Friday September 12th, 2014
Episode 157
Previous episode: 2014-09-10
Next episode: 2014-09-15


Today we remember the survivors of a fire. It is also the day a Hateful Decree was not passed. It is the Feast Day of St. Elspeth, and in the garden, more chickens.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is September 12th, 2014.

I have been instructed by station management to be less inspiring and more uplifting. Very well.

It was on this day in 1721 that not as many people died in a horrible fire as could have. The Glass Quarter was, at the time, home to the glassblowers and a kiln exploded. Things went very badly, but they could have gone much worse. Survivors attributed their good fortune to providence. At least one, trapped on a chair surrounded by a small lake of molten glass, said that her faith sustained her in the dark hours while the glass cooled. Well. I’m uplifted.

And it was on this day in 1782 that the Librarian Prince almost passed a Hateful Decree making flatulence a capital offense. Fortunately, a quick thinking minister paid off the cook to prepare a dish of beans and eggs for the Prince’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and the Prince reportedly saw the error of his ways. This is more crude than uplifting, but it is my duty to report history, even the sophomoric bits.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Elspeth. Elspeth was a poor peasant woman who watered the sacred shrub of Saint Gaetano daily during a ten-year drought. St. Gaetano, who was hiding from his enemies disguised as a large hibiscus, survived the drought and blessed Elspeth. Upon her death, an abbey was erected on the site of her cottage, which remains to this day. The Sisters of St. Elspeth are noted for their gardening skills, particularly regarding drought-tolerant cultivars.

In the garden, we continue our in-depth look at backyard chickens. If you are going to keep chickens, a so-called “chicken tractor” is often suggested. This is a mobile, bottomless coop that can be move around the garden, providing new foraging grounds for the chickens and allowing them to fertilize the beds beneath them. People speak highly of them. Whatever form of coop you choose, bear in mind that you do require a coop. The world is an uncertain place. To list the various predators of chicken-kind would take far more time than is granted to us. Suffice it to say that no one wishes to clean up after a chicken predation event. Chickens, much like vacation suitcases, unpack into an extraordinary mess. You will never get it all back into the chicken.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea & Torture Company, purveyors of fine and inquisitional teas. Red Wombat --- “No One Expects The Tea.”

Also brought to you by Next To Godliness Gospel Choir and Housecleaning Services. Have your home cleaned by a twenty-seven member gospel choir! Thrill as our choir performs inspirational standards, accompanying themselves on vacuum cleaner and mop! Our altos can scrub a shower like you wouldn’t believe! Book the Next to Godliness Gospel Choir today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for September 12th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media. It is written by Ursula Vernon. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. Our intro music is "Clear Blue Sky" by Chatham County Line and our exit music is "Scotland the Brave" by Shake That Little Foot. You can find more music by both groups at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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