The Hidden Almanac for
Monday October 6th, 2014
Episode 167
Previous episode: 2014-10-03
Next episode: 2014-10-08


Today marks the day The Scarecrow Paper was released. It is also the day the Lemonade Orchid was introduced. It is the Feast Day of the Umbrella Saint, and in the garden, there are potatoes.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac of Funk, I’m Reverend Mord. Please insert an adjective of your choice to describe me. Station management offers “groovy” “groovadelic” “funktastic” and “hip” for your consideration.

Today is October 6th, 2014. I am still here.

It was on this day in 1899 that the infamous Scarecrow Paper was released, which detailed a study finding that approximately one in six scarecrows are alive and capable of conscious thought. Reasons for this are wildly variable, ranging from rogue golem-makers, stray bits of magic, and proximity to Echo Harbor. Reactions ranged from horror to an immediate suggestion that all scarecrows be burned. When it was pointed out that this would include burning living beings, who were presumably able to feel pain, the burner faction argued that the scarecrows were probably here to take our jobs, or possibly our women. The non-burner faction, which included many women, then said that they would likely prefer a scarecrow to the burners, and battle was joined. The war was fought in the letters to the editor section for several months, during which time the scarecrows mysteriously vanished. It is believed that they will someday return, but no one knows whether or not this will be a good thing.

And it was on this day in 1945 that the Lemonade Orchid was introduced at the Royal Botanical Garden, a small, easy-to-grow orchid with a delightful scent of citrus. It was not finicky, it rebloomed easily, and was neither toxic nor endangered. It is rare that life gives us such blessings, and they should be cherished.

It is the Feast Day of the Umbrella Saint. This nameless saint supposedly encountered Saint Clara on the street and handed her his umbrella, saving her from a soaking. This would not normally be sufficient for sainthood, but this same old man has since been seen near the papal district for the last two hundred years, handing out umbrellas. This is either miraculous or distressing, and the Pope of the age believed that one should always look on the bright side of things. The Umbrella Saint is represented as an elderly man carrying a bright yellow umbrella, and teaches us to aid others who are weathering storms.

In the garden, you should be harvesting potatoes if you haven’t already. Potatoes can be stored in any number of ways, provided they stay cool, dry, and preferably in the dark. Otherwise they will sprout. Potatoes want to grow. They want to grow with a passion that shames lesser vegetables. There are a number of novel ways to grow potatoes, mostly involving garbage cans full of dirt, and some day, when I have a great many more interns and am no longer mandated to be groovy, I shall try them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the sound of one hand clapping. Not the subject of meditation, but the gentle thwuck-thwuck sound that is the literal sound of one hand clapping. Apparently it is a station donor.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 6th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media. It is performed & produced by Kevin Sonney and written by Ursula Vernon. The voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Today's music is Latché Swing with "Hungaria" which you can find at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.