The Hidden Almanac for
Monday October 13th, 2014
Episode 170
Previous episode: 2014-10-10
Next episode: 2014-10-15


Today marks the second discovery of the Coriander Isles. It is also the day the town of Obanoch was officially recognized. It is the Feast Day of St. Jonathon, and in the garden, there are crows. Adorable crows.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is October 13th, 2014.

It is the anniversary of the second discovery of the Coriander Isles, by an idiot explorer who thought he was going to Troyzantium. The Coriander Isles were, of course, first discovered by the ancestors of the islanders, who had arrived in small wooden boats some millennia earlier. Contact between the mainland and the islands were strained and the history is marred by many dark passages, some of which continue to the present day.

And it was on this day in 1760 that the town of Obanoch was officially recognized, by the building of a local custom house. The site of Obanoch, in the western highlands, has been continuously occupied by humans since the Stone Age, but no one bothered to put the name on a map until 1760. This would not be terribly historically significant, but the custom house exploded some weeks later, apparently owing to a terrible accident involving coal gas and a cow that had been kept in the basement, as part of a scheme to provide fresh milk to traders. Several tradesman died, but the cow escaped with only minor injuries. A second, cow-free custom house was built the following year.

It is the birthday of the smallest duck in the park… or so it claims. Ducks are not to be trusted.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Jonathon of Walnurk, patron of therapists, psychiatrists, and those who get to hear about other people’s problems whether they want to or not. St. Jonathon was a monk in the days of frequent barbarian invasions, and once turned back a barbarian horde by sitting down with the leader and asking about his childhood. It took seventeen hours, but the barbarian leader eventually burst into tears and apologized to the monks and took his horde home. St. Jonathon was canonized by the Lobster Pope, and is represented as a man with a tonsure, listening patiently to a weeping bear. No one is quite sure when the bear became involved, but it appears to have been at least two hundred years ago.

In the garden, a flock of crows has descended and are perched in the trees, calling back and forth. The interns have begun feeding them Cheetos and are asking if we can keep the cute one.

Obviously this is foolishness. All crows are cute.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Scarlet Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine libido-enhacing teas. Scarlet Wombat --- “Boom Chicka Wow Wow.”

Also brought to you by glitter. It’s everywhere. It’s in everything. You will never get it all out. Perhaps it would be better to find out what the glitter wants, so that we can all live together in peace.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 13th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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