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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday October 22nd, 2014
Episode 174
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-10-20
Next episode: 2014-10-24

SummaryEdit

It was on this day that many people were found under a bridge. It is also the day the Wetlands Restoration Act passed under questionable circumstances. It is the Feast Day of St. Hammond, and in the garden, someone planted Boltonia. The crows are observing.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is October 22nd, 2014.

It was on this day in 1967 that multiple people were found unconscious under an overpass in the city. When removed from the area, most regained consciousness quickly and were unharmed except for dehydration, but a few had died, apparently in their sleep. It was eventually discovered that the underside of the overpass had been taken over by Indigo Woodpeckers and their droppings had piled up to the point where they had become aerosolized. The powerful tranquilizers in the droppings of Indigo Woodpeckers led to prolonged unconsciousness for those who slept under the bridge. The woodpecker colony was removed, and the wooden beams — remnants of an ancient wooden bridge — were sheathed in concrete to prevent further reoccurrences.

And it was on this day in 1984 that the Notorious Sisterhood, the famed guild of prostitutes, manipulated the votes in Parliament by the simple expedient of taking away the pants of various clients and refusing to return them. They then photographed these clients — all of whom were highly placed lobbyists — and informed them that they would now be lobbying for the Wetlands Restoration Act or they would be very sorry. The Act, which had been in danger of failure, passed by an overwhelming majority.

As the Act was primarily concerned with the establishment of permanent wetlands at the mouth of the Autumn River in order to provide a buffer against storm surge, and put severe limits on coastal development, there were some questions as to why the Notorious Sisterhood became involved. A spokeswoman said “Merely because we are sex workers does not mean that we do not have a strong environmental ethic. Cities ravaged by storm damage are cities that are not visiting brothels.” The reporters apologized for having made stupid assumptions and went away chastised.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Hammond, patron of rhinoceros beetles. He was a bishop of the 9th century who just…really liked rhinoceros beetles. He worked them into sermons and commissioned stained glass windows with beetle borders. No one ever determined the roots of his obsession, and when he died of old age in 897, his tomb had an enormous relief of a rhinoceros beetle carved upon it. He is represented as a beetle headed man holding a shepherd’s crook. It is thought that this would have made him very happy.

In the garden, we are attempting to find who thought planting Boltonia was a good idea. This native wildflower grows to six feet and has sprays of lovely white daisy-like flowers. Unfortunately, it also spreads aggressively by runners in good garden soil. While there were many warnings that it would re-seed, no one mentioned the runners, and several interns are even now sweating over yanking the devil weed out by the roots.

The crows are watching them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Cucumbers. The cucumbers have faded for another year, but many are being heartlessly kept alive in pickle jars. Respect the right of cucumbers to a death with dignity. Stand up to the pickle lobby.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 22nd, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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