The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday October 29th, 2014
Episode 177
Previous episode: 2014-10-27
Next episode: 2014-10-31


Today we remember Edgar Barry’s invention. It is also the day the Halloween Murder was committed. It is the Feast Day of St. Ugliono, and in the garden, the crows are chanting. Adorably.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is October 29th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1987 that a scientist named Edgar Barry invented a new method for artificially inseminating beef cattle. This revolutionized the industry and brought the cost down significantly. This would not be the sort of thing that we would normally mention, but as it turns out, champion bull semen is worth, ounce for ounce, more than gold and is roughly tied with saffron as the most valuable naturally-occuring substance on earth. Short-lived superheavy elements made in supercolliders are technically more expensive, but as they last for only an instant, it becomes difficult to trade them on the open market.

And it was on this day in 1971 that what would come to be known as the All Hallows Murders was committed, although the body was not found until the 31st. The tabloids seized on this, ignoring the fact that the murder had occurred some days earlier, and whipped up a fine frenzy about Halloween death cults preying on trick-or-treaters. It turned out to be a rather run-of-the-mill killing over a drug deal gone bad. The murderer was caught and sentenced to twenty years, and people lived in fear that cultists were going to descend on their children going from house to house for the next decade. That’s life, I suppose.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Ugliono, who was a very minor monk who died, apparently of ingrown toenails. He is the patron of a very small monastery and was canonized on the strength of leaving an incorruptible corpse. So there’s that.

In the garden, the crows have gathered together and begun chanting a single name. It is unsettling, though still adorable. The interns are complaining. Hopefully they will go back to playing dice soon.

The name they chant apparently cannot be written in mortal language, although I have destroyed six fountain pens, a mechanical pencil, and two keyboards trying. The office supply budget will not stretch to further experimentation.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Suzy’s Seasonal Assassins! Did someone beat your astonishing costume at the office Halloween party by wearing something related to a currently trending meme? Twenty hours of sewing defeated by a sheet of paper with a hashtag on it? We will take care of it. You may not get the gift certificate, but you will get the last laugh. Suzy’s Seasonal Assassins—deadly and discreet.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 29th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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