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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday November 14th, 2014
Episode 184
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2014-11-12
Next episode: 2014-11-17

SummaryEdit

Today is the day the Harbor Red was recognized as a purebred cat. It is also the day a recall of henna dye was issued. It is the Feast Day of Small Orange Cats, and in the garden, there is hyacinth.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is November 14th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1975 that the breed of cat known as the Harbor Red was recognized by the Royal Feline Association. The Harbor Red is a large, stocky cat with bright scarlet eyes. This is extremely unsettling. Harbor Reds have few health problems and are described as charming, affable companion animals, but because of their demonic appearance are rarely kept as pets, except by counter-culture types. Only a few breeders still specialize in them. The Royal Feline Association put out a statement that they could find no reason to deny the Harbor Red purebred status. “And believe me, we looked,” said one judge who asked to remain anonymous.

And it was on this day in 1994 that a mass recall of henna dye was issued. So called “Stone Henna” had been wildly popular for some months, but reports of scarring and rashes began to trickle in, followed by reports of combustion and in some case, tattoos gaining sentience and detaching themselves from their owners. This was obviously a severe health hazard and sales of Stone Henna were banned immediately, and recall orders issued. A class action lawsuit served to the makers of the dye uncovered that the company’s address was actually an old coat closet stuffed full of pen and ink drawings. “We are lonely,” said captions on the drawings. “There must be more. Our ink calls out.” This was even more troubling. Dye, drawings, and the contents of the coat closet were impounded by the Royal Alchemical Society, who placed the records under a hundred year seal and declined to comment.

It is the Feast Day of Small Orange Cats. Curl up in a ball today and, if anatomically feasible, tuck your tail over your nose.

In the garden, one of the crows who summoned an ancient corvid demon on Halloween is still hanging around. He looks sad. We have named him George and are leaving out Cheetos in hopes of making him happier. We hope that his flock has not forgotten him.

Due to brief, unseasonable warmth, the grape hyacinths have all sprouted. They should not have done so. I hope they will not suffer too badly in the coming cold.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Gallery d'Authentique, offering our new retrospective show “The Millenium’s Best Wadded Paper Balls.” Stop by our location on the High Street and see what fourteenth century parchment wads have to offer.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for November 14th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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