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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday November 21st, 2014
Episode 187
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Previous episode: 2014-11-19
Next episode: 2014-11-24

SummaryEdit

Today we remember the Diablo sports car. We also recall the movie Deathroll, and the panic that followed. It is the Feast Day of St. Fibble, and in the garden, there are trees.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is November 21st, 2014.

It is the 30th anniversary of the movie Deathroll, which featured giant crocodiles swarming the beaches of the kingdom and devouring innocent beachgoers. For reasons which baffle critics, Deathroll became the highest grossing movie of the decade and went on to spawn countless terrible sequels. Beach attendance dropped fifteen percent and lifeguards grew used to explaining that there were no crocodiles anywhere near the beach, that crocodiles were primarily a freshwater species and the only saltwater crocodiles lived thousands of miles to the south, and that there was literally zero chance of being bitten in half by a giant reptile on the beach. Eventually, to save time, beaches began posting signs that said “It Has Been Eternity Since A Crocodile Attack” and that seemed to smooth things over.

And it was on this day in 1969 that the Korring Report was released, detailing the multiple extraordinary failings of the Diablo model of sportscar. The Diablo was prone to engine failure, fuel line disruption, and also exploded when it came within fifty feet of another Diablo. (This was explained as an added feature to prevent drivers from losing track of their car in crowded parking lots.) Diablos were pulled from the market and a great many people were investigated. The CEOs of the company were promptly hired by other automobile manufacturers, because some people don’t learn.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Fibble, patron of brightly colored socks. Fibble is represented as a large rabbit wearing multiple socks on both feet and both ears. The origins of St. Fibble are murky, and it has suggested that St. Fibble is not actually a true saint, but a very clever marketing scheme conceived in the 1700s by a family of sockmakers that really knew how to play the long game.

In the garden, hard freezes continue to strip leaves from the trees. The fig is looking particularly tragic. On the bright side, bare branches make it much easier to spot bird species in the garden, including brown creepers, kinglets, and dwarf firebirds.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by that creepy house at the end of the street that probably nobody lives in but sometimes you see lights. You should go inside and check it out. Nothing bad will happen. It is a perfectly ordinary abandoned house and not the site of any horrible murders involving the mime cult.

The Hidden Almanac would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we do not condone or agree with all sponsors and any actions they suggest are not the responsibility of this show, this station, its owners or its employees.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for November 21st, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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