The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday November 26th, 2014
Episode 189
Previous episode: 2014-11-24
Next episode: 2014-11-28


Today we remember the play “The Ascension of Heloise, or Virtue’s Just Reward.” We also recall the disappearance of the pumpkins. It is the Feast Day of the Oracular Goldfish, and in the garden, you need birdseed.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is November 26th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1677 that the playwright Frederick Landstone produced his great play “The Ascension of Heloise, or Virtue’s Just Reward.” This was a four hour production during which the character Heloise suffered an increasing number of horrific fates, including drowning, smallpox, and a stampede of giant bulls, before eventually being found by her true love. The play ends with a marriage, whereupon Heloise dies at the altar and is met by actors dressed as angels.

It proved extremely popular with a certain sort of audience, and a racy subplot involving a lusty barmaid and a wolverine-tamer provided entertainment for others. The Ascension of Heloise has been put on over five thousand times in the last three hundred odd years. So there’s that.

And it was on this day, forty years ago, that someone went around to all the house in the city and removed the pumpkins from the front stoop. As the pumpkins were rotting and falling in and had become eyesores, almost everyone was very grateful. (There were the usual people claiming that their decayed pumpkin was much beloved, that their rights had been violated, etc. There’s always someone.) There was some general puzzlement, however, as the removal of over ten thousand decaying pumpkins seemed an impossible task for any single individual. Concerted, very stealthy action seems to have been the order of the day, but by whom? Or what? To this day, the mystery has never been solved.

It is the Feast Day of the Oracular Goldfish. Each member of the school will be formally consulted by the priests for its opinion on the future, and then a single goldfish will be devoured by the reigning monarch to assure the future. As the goldfish all know which of their number it will be, this is not as traumatic as you might think, except perhaps for the monarch.

In the garden, it is wet and unpleasant. Now is a good time to begin stockpiling seed catalogs. Be certain that you are putting out plenty of birdseed, including mealworm feeders if appropriate. Get the good birdseed. Nobody really likes millet.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Snappy Brand Potato Logs! Try our festive seasonal assortment, including Turkey, Stuffing, Cranberry and Egg-nog flavors! Snappy! All the flavor you love, in log form.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for November 26th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.