The Hidden Almanac for
Monday December 1st, 2014
Episode 191
Previous episode: 2014-11-28
Next episode: 2014-12-03


Today is the first day of the last month. Plan accordingly. It is also the day the Alewives overran a lake, and the day the RMS Sirius sank. It is the Feast Day of Recovery, and in the garden, George is sad. This cannot stand.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is December 1st, 2014.

It is the first day of the last month. If this does not fill you with a clawing existential dread, you are to be congratulated. I have not yet purchased the requisite presents for my colleagues and…family.

And it was on this day in 1980 that the alewives overran Lake Moloch, in the mountains. The alewife is a medium-sized herring, also known as the Sawbelly or Mooneye. Alewives used the brand-new system of fish ladders put in place for the salmon to reach Lake Moloch, where they began to breed unchecked. Theoretically salmon should have preyed upon them, but the salmon population had been so decimated by dams (hence the new fish ladders) that they could not keep up with the alewives. Massive seasonal die-offs led to Lake Moloch’s shores being covered in rotting fish. It was unpleasant for everyone.

Biologists studying the situation were unable to get funding from a highly conservative local government to actually fix the problem. Then the Fire Lampreys came in via the self-same fish ladders. Fire Lampreys took the alewives down to sustainable levels and raised the water temperature ten degrees, causing a massive shift in the algae population. Lake Moloch is now too dangerous for humans to fish or swim, but the effect on the Lake Moloch salmon population has been quite positive.

And it was on this day in 1797 that the 36-gun frigate, the RMS Sirius, was lost at the Battle of Heavingford. It never fired a shot, being docked for repairs, and was simply set on fire by the enemy, who walked up to it and tossed a couple of lit rags into the hold.

“Tis a vile doom for a great ship,” said the captain, who insisted on going down with the ship. When it finally settled on the bottom, some five feet below its original position, the captain waded ashore and went to the bar.

It is the Feast Day of Recovering From the Last Feast Day Where We Probably Overdid It A Bit. Gentle exercise and perhaps some yogurt are recommended.

In the garden, George the crow has begun trying to call the unspeakable name that opens the rift to the alternate dimension where Corvus-Wrax waits to destroy us all. Unfortunately, this requires a very large number of crows, and George is alone, so it is all rather tragic. We suspect that George is trying to open the rift so that he can be reunited with his family, which was sucked into it during the incident last month.

We are not sure if we should try to distract George, or if we should have the interns dress up in masks and chant the unspeakable name to try and help him. We do not wish to utterly destroy reality, but we also don’t want our crow to be sad.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Admiral Bertie’s Rum! We’re promoting this rum despite its obvious flaws—Just like Bertie!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for December 1st, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

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