The Hidden Almanac for
Monday January 5th, 2015
Episode 206
Previous episode: 2015-01-02
Next episode: 2015-01-07


Today, the dead walked in Wallingford. It is also the day ‘The Vast Menagerie” was first published. It is the Feast Day of the Flesh Anchorites, and in the garden, it is warm.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 5th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1981 that the dead walked in the town of Wallingford.

Specifically, they walked from the graveyard to a local convenience store, bought a six-pack of soda, and drank it. “Ahhhh…” said one revenant. “Cuts the cotton-mouth!” The other dead nodded. They returned to the graveyard without incident and laid politely down in their graves, only speaking again to offer the bemused gravedigger one or two pointers on his shovel technique.

And it was on this day in 1675 that the text “The Vast Menagerie: An Exploration of the Animal Molecules Inside The Body of Man” was first published. It included hundreds of plates illustrating drawings (some quite fanciful) of micro-organisms. The publication of The Vast Menagerie was made possible by innovations in microscope technology. Unfortunately many of the micro-organisms had been observed by dissection of cadavers, which was considered illegal and immoral at the time. The author therefore preferred to remain anonymous, and thus one of the pioneers of microbiology is unknown to history, although rumors abound.

It is the Feast Day of the Flesh Anchorites, about which the less said, the better. No one celebrates this feast day, by strict order of the Pope and all relevant legal authorities. Rumors of celebrations of this Feast Day should be reported to the police at once. We don’t want a repeat of the incursion.

In the garden, a warm snap will shortly be followed by a dreadful cold snap. It is natural for the gardener, at this moment, to wander the garden with a weather report in hand, begging plants that are sprouting to go back to bed, the camellias to unbud, the frogs to return to hibernation. The slugs, who are also out and about, are encouraged to frolic. Frolic, my gastropod foes, until the cold freezes your slime and leaves you encased in the ice of justice! None of the plants or animals will listen to the gardener, and some will undoubtedly be damaged. That is life, and there is no fixing it. Fortunately gardens are resilient, even if gardeners are not.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by St. Offren’s Grounds. Drink the coffee that is a fine coffee and we are not saying it is worth being martyred for because that would be tasteless, we’re just saying that if you have to be martyred for coffee, you could do a lot worse. Above all, don’t die for instant. Please like us.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 5th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.