The Hidden Almanac for
Monday January 12th, 2015
Episode 209
Previous episode: 2015-01-09
Next episode: 2015-01-14


Today marks the first appearance of the Shepherd Pope. It is also the day of a controversial ice-race. It is the Feast Day of the Spatzweasel, and in the garden, there are surveyors and interns.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 12th, 2015.

It is the anniversary, in 1481, of the first public appearance of the Shepherd Pope, which corresponds to the first attempt on the life of the Shepherd Pope by a crazed adherent of the Lobster Pope. The madman attempted to climb to the balcony where the pope stood, shouting “Death to the Usurper!” He was quickly picked off by papal snipers armed with crossbows. The Shepherd Pope granted the man last rights, saying “We must forgive our enemies, for who else will?”

And it was on this day in 1956 that the ice-racing championships in the highlands met with controvery. The winning ice-sled, “Slippery Kate” was revealed to be pulled not by sled dogs but by elephant seals wearing fake dog ears. Lawrence McGinnis, owner of the Slippery Kate, claimed that the seals were actually a rare breed of dog called a Blubberhound. The judges did not buy this explanation and disqualified him. McGinnis vowed that time would exonerate him and retired to his estate, where he raised Blubberhounds until the day he died.

It is the Feast Day of the Spatzweasel. This feast is celebrated only in a very remote village in the highlands, and they refuse to provide any details of why. In honor of the Spatzweasel, the houses are hung with blue garlands and small paper cut-outs of mice are placed in every window. At high noon, the ice will be broken on the town pond by the oldest inhabitant, who will throw crocus flowers into the freezing waters. Then everyone will go home and eat cookies, also shaped like mice.

It is all very puzzling.

In the garden, the Ravencoast lawyers have informed me that CharmX corporation and its misbegotten surveyors are granted legal right by the government to at least survey the land under the garden. They are allowed to use their vile orange sticks. I say to you, do gardeners not have rights in our great land? Is this not tyranny?

Well. Regardless, the surveyors are not allowed to cause “undue havoc” according to the lawyers. I have therefore given the burliest interns rakes and mattocks and they are following the surveyors closely and preventing them from stepping on anything important. No one is happy, least of all me. I hope that these foul persons will leave soon and take their awful sticks with them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also sponsored by the Echo Harbor School District #10. It’s time for the bake sale again. Proceeds will go to buy protective clothing for the teachers. The old armored coats are getting a little chewed around the hems.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 12th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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