The Hidden Almanac for
Monday January 19th, 2015
Episode 212
Previous episode: 2015-01-16
Next episode: 2015-01-21


Today marks the creation of a record-breaking pizza. It is also the birthday of Lady Evangeline. It is the Feast Day of St. Martha, and in the garden, there is more letterhead.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 19th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1984 that the most expensive pizza ever made was baked in the kitchens of the restaurant known as Giovanni’s Dream. The pizza measured 36 inches across and include such ingredients as white truffles, foie gras, saffron threads and gold leaf. (Gold leaf is inert and will pass through the digestive tract in a…festive…manner.) The pizza was estimated to cost over eleven thousand dollars and owing to the muddle of ingredients was simply not that good. As an advertising campaign, however, it was a great success.

And it is the birthday in 1942 of the famed horoscope writer Lady Evangeline, better known to her friends as Libby “Toots” Wilson. In her lifetime, writing for the City Times, she wrote well over two hundred thousand daily horoscopes. “She was tireless, inventive, and professional,” said her editor, upon her death in 2010. “She made every deadline for sixty years. There’ll never be another like her.” Libby reportedly hired an actress to play her at public events. “Nobody wants to find out that their horoscope’s being written by a frumpy little woman in a bathrobe,” she said in her autobiography. “They want a tall, consumptive looking person with ridiculous hair.” That autobiography, Written In The Stars, was published posthumously and sold millions of copies. Unfortunately since she admitted in the first line of the first chapter that she made everything up, it also spawned dozens of lawsuits against the City Times. All proceeds from the book went to programs to help inner city youth learn science, because Ms. Wilson was just that sort of person.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Martha, patron of midwives. Legend has painted St. Martha being present at the birth of nearly all significant saints. “Given the span of years involved,” one scholar explains, “Martha would have had to possess a time machine to be present at all of them, and is likely merely added to the legends of other saints after the fact.” Unfortunately, some people do not understand rhetorical devices, and the cult of St. Martha, Time Traveler, persists in out of the way corners of the world — and, of course, the internet - to this day.

In the garden, we have received an offer from the CharmX Corporation to put a ley-line tapping station on the grounds of the Hidden Almanac Test Garden. It was printed on very formal stationary. I would have set it on fire, but George got to it first, and the results were too soggy to burn well. George is an excellent crow.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Convent of the White Goat, which would like everyone to know that they are taking steps to protect the health of the fisheries around their island. Any unauthorized boats found in convent waters will be boarded, scuttled, and sunk, and the captains excommunicated. We tried to allow voluntary compliance with the new ecological regulations, but you just had to be greedy with the herring harvest, didn’t you?

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 19th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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