The Hidden Almanac for
Monday February 2nd, 2015
Episode 218
Previous episode: 2015-01-30
Next episode: 2015-02-04


Today a seal was found in East Walling. It is also the day gravel nearly killed us all. It is the Feast Day of St. Holox, and in the garden, there are protestors.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is February 2nd, 2015.

It was on this day in 1996 that a young seal was found at the bottom of a garden in East Walling. The garden was thirty seven miles inland and the seal had apparently swum upstream for a long way, then waddled through a series of drainage ditches and fetched up in the duck pond in East Walling. The seal was healthy, if thin, and the owner of the garden brought it fish for some weeks until marine biologists finally stopped assuming it was a prank call and came and rescued the seal. “He was no trouble,” said the gardener, who asked to remain anonymous. “Liked his fish. The dog got along with him. He could have stayed, but they told me he’d get to weigh eight hundred pounds and that would’ve been a bit of a problem.” The seal was tagged and released and is doing well, though quite elderly, to this day.

And it was on this day that gravel being spread on a driveway briefly formed a sigil in the ancient tongue of the Bone Men, causing darkness to pass briefly over the sun. More gravel was poured and obliterated it, sparing the earth from a hundred days of unrelenting terror. Sometimes we are lucky.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Holox, patron of very angry owls. The story goes that St. Holox was a druid of the old faith who saved a monastery from barbarians by bringing down a plague of owls upon them. The head of the monastery was Holox’s chess partner. It is perhaps unusual to canonize an unrepentant pagan, but the Shepherd Pope said that virtue must be recognized, regardless of its source, so here we are. Holox is represented as a very old man with an extremely angry owl on his shoulder. Both are haloed.

In the garden, there are protesters. They are singing, and several of them have chained themselves to trees. My grape hyacinth will never recover. The worst part is that one of them has painstakingly taught George the melody to We Shall Overcome. He now caws along with them. I did not realize that George was musically inclined or I would have brought him less regrettable music.

The grape hyacinth in question, incidentally, are the cultivar “Blue Spike” which has double flowers. I would be more upset if it were a different hyacinth, for in truth, “Blue Spike” is a rather dense, ungainly flower. I wish that plant breeders would not seek to double flowers for its own sake and would stop to contemplate whether or not they have added to the overall beauty of the species.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Jeb’s Accordion Repair. Accordion sound worse than usual? It’s probably you, not the instrument, but bring it in anyway.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for February 2nd, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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