The Hidden Almanac for
Friday February 6th, 2015
Episode 220
Previous episode: 2015-02-04
Next episode: 2015-02-09


Today marks the day the Scrimshaw Bible was discovered. It is also the day the St. Berxer breed was introduced. It is the Feast Day of St. Koji, and in the garden, there is a van.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is February 6th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1819 that the Scrimshaw Bible was unearthed in the highlands. Carved on a half-dozen walrus tusks, the Scrimshaw Bible was a three-dimensional representation of instructive scenes from several lesser-known gospels, including the Chastening of the Sandalmakers and the Devouring of the Prophet Umber By Wild Beavers. The Scrimshaw Bible had been buried nearly five hundred miles from the ocean and a good bit farther from the nearest walrus, so the provenance of this work continues to baffle scholars to this day.

And it was on this day in 2008 that the designer dog mix “St. Berxers” were introduced. The St. Berxer was a cross between a St. Bernard and a Boxer. General consensus was that the breeders had played God, gone too far, and created a couch that could jump up on people. The breed was briefly popularized when several celebrities were seen with them in public, but the fact that males could top 140 lbs and jump like a Boxer proved too much for most pet owners. Rescues were flooded with puppies and members of the Royal Kennel Society went around to the breeders and gave them all extremely stern looks. The St. Berxer persists, in much reduced numbers, owing a few die-hard enthusiasts, but is generally treated as an idea who’s time really had not come.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Koji, patron of lichens. The story goes that Koji fled from an arranged marriage and prayed the heaven, whereupon she was transformed into a sheet of lichen on the side of a great stone. She stayed there for some three hundred years, until a holy man came and prayed beside her, whereupon she emerged from the lichen and spoke in a strange language to him. Owing to substantial linguistic drift in the intervening three hundred years, it took some time to locate a translator, who confirmed that Koji was asking if her fiancée had died yet. They confirmed that he had passed away some two-hundred-and-fifty years earlier, and Koji proclaimed it a miracle. She founded a church upon the great stone and was duly canonized upon her death.

In the garden, there is a large white van with CharmX painted on the side parked at the end of the driveway. The protesters have formed a human chain across the driveway and are singing at the van. I do not know how we are supposed to get in and out for supplies. Drom is wandering around hugging people. I did not know they made religious vestments in tie-dye. You learn something new every day.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by St. Offren’s Grounds. Drink the brew so good, it’s practically incorruptible!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for February 6th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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