The Hidden Almanac for
Monday March 9th, 2015
Episode 233
Previous episode: 2015-03-06
Next episode: 2015-03-11


Today we remember the discovery of the unpuffer fish. It is also the day the city of Ire was buried. It is the Feast Day of Molly McGillicutty, and in the garden, there are seedlings.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 9th, 2015.

It was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the unpuffer fish. Unpuffers, when startled, shrink to a third their normal size and dart away. They are found in brackish water, particularly mangrove swamps. Their shrinking appears to be accomplished by compressing the internal organs and causes the unpuffer some mild physical distress. Owners of unpuffer fish are advised not to tap on the glass in an effort to cause this underwhelming threat display.

And it was on this day in 1897 that a volcanic eruption caused a massive underwater landslide, burying much of the ancient sunken city of Ire. Ire had been a popular tourist destination for years. Tourists rode in glass-bottomed boats, watching the ruined city go by a few feet beneath the waves. The eruption shook the islands near Ire, but nearly destroyed the city. While some discussion was raised of re-excavating the ancient streets, it proved implausibly expensive. Archaeologists console themselves that large sections are now preserved under the mud for future historians to discover.

It is the Feast Day of Molly McGillicutty of the highlands. She is known for her spirited defense of the convent in which she was employed, though she was not a nun herself. The story goes that she stood atop the convent roof, flinging canned goods at a bailiff that had come to tax the sister’s beehives. The bailiff eventually retreated, badly bruised, and Molly McGillicutty, nine years old, became a folk hero. While never officially canonized, some rather fanciful hagiographers embroidered the tale until she defeated the devil with the help of the holy spirit and two dozen cans of green beans. Pamphlets entitled “The True and Inspirational Story of A Young Girl” circulated throughout the city, eventually leading to plays and an uptick in babies named Molly.

In the garden, the weather is glorious and no one is bothering me. This state of affairs cannot possibly last, but I am very pleased with it for now. I have started tomatillos and peppers indoors. The peppers are a rare variety known as “Black Thorns” which are deep purple and approximately one inch long. While very attractive, these peppers are nearly inedibly seedy and the taste has been compared to being kicked in the tongue with cleats, and so I am growing them primarily as a curiosity.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Skidoo System’s new Frog Translator. Are the spring peepers peeping? Do you want to know what they’re really saying? Our new Frog Translator can tell you! WARNING: Not responsible for obscene comments made by frogs. It is spring, after all.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 9th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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